Ralphritis
a very painful form of arthritis suffered by ralph drabble, especially after working in the yard. the condition is so painful that sometimes he can hardly stand up. it is often accompanied by him talking to his body, saying things such as “come on, left knee!” or “keep going lower back!” the best known cure is the drabble stand, the exercise with which he ends his yard ch-r-s.
ralph: oh no, not ralphritis! i’m gonna have to do a drabble stand, big time. come on, left knee! you can do this! easy, easy now.
leroy: what is that? what’s with the groaning? why are you cheering on your body like that? i don’t do that.
ralph: (he m-ssaging his knees because he was kneeling on the ground) its my ralphritis. its this disease i have. terrible stuff.
leroy: i’ve got almost the same thing. my knees hurt when i run. or when i’ve been working out too much. (he bends down and touches his toes) see, i know just what you’re talking about. it is terrible.
ralph: yeah, we’re in the same boat. we both have arthritis. but at least we know how to stretch it off. its not easy with ralphritis, though.
leroy: how do you do it? i want to know.
ralph: a drabble stand. here, i’ll show you how. (he shows leroy how) you ease up out of the kneel. you don’t just go all at once. that way you’ll get a good stretch. see? its easy. (both speaking together) here’s to ralphritis! a yard warrior’s best friend!
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