Richard Leakey


a comical homage to the famed anthropologist of the same name,this phrase describes a man with a venereal disease causing his p-n-s (d-ck aka richard) to drip (leak) pus.
“yo dawg….i wouldn’t mess with karen. she was seen a few times with mike, and, mike was seen at the free clinic, so he’s most likely richard leakey. you don’t think a 30 year-old goes to the free clinic for the s-x ed cl-ss, do you? ”
a brilliant scientist who also happens to be a total bad-ss. he discovered several dozen important fossils of prehistoric humans that completely rewrote our theories of human origins and appeared on the cover of time magazine…all before he was thirty. but being an awesome scientist wasn’t enough for leakey. he became a conservationist, and was appointed director of kenya’s anti-poaching agency. he ordered park rangers to shoot and kill poachers on sight, and gave them high-powered -ssault rifles and apache helicopters to help them do it. in 1989, he organized a raid that confiscated three tons of poached ivory, which he publicly burned as a giant “f-ck you” to poachers. but kenya’s corrupt president wouldn’t let leakey pursue corrupt officials in the park system. so leakey founded his own political party dedicated to fighting corruption in kenya. leakey soon became director of kenya’s civil service, giving him control of the country’s government employees, the police force, and the army. leakey tried to use his power to fight corruption, but his political opponents tried everything to stop him: they sabotaged his plane, causing a fiery crash that caused leakey to lose both of his legs, hired gangs of thugs to beat him up, and even publicly flogged him and beat him with an iron pipe. leakey survived, but he lost his job when his corrupt enemies forced him out of office.
richard leakey’s a total bad-ss that n-body’s ever heard of. he is a brilliant scientist and anticorruption fighter who has survived over a dozen -ss-ssination attempts, yet he still kicks -ss…despite having no legs. even more amazingly, he never graduated high school!

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