Sale Bat
a bat often brought to a sale by older women which is used to fight for a sale item. usually done when another grandma tries to get the same sale item you wanted first. sale bats are also part of the pre-christmas workout called ‘sale-r-cise’, although it can be used at any time. the first known use of a sale bat was on april 27, 2011 when beatrice and paul middleton were playing with one. you have to be careful not to get caught with it or else you will hear mom yell very loudly.
beatrice: hey wilson, want me to teach you how to use a sale bat?
wilson: (stunned) are you talking like a vandal? i don’t know. what good will a sale bat do me? are you trying to get me in trouble here?
beatrice: no, this is how you use a sale bat. its a whole lot of fun. what you do is you take it to the store and wait for an old granny like me to come and steal a sale item. then here’s the fun part: you clobber them with it. i mean, you really let ’em have it!
bryant: beatrice elvira mary duke middleton!! what in the world are you teaching him? to steal stuff? oh my g-d! my own gunny granny, a common criminal!!
beatrice: (laughing) well, you want a piece of it! we could we could practice on grandma flo. it’d be fun. then we could go to the store and try it out for real.
morris: (really angry) mom, i don’t approve of this. you are not taking that ball bat to the store. i will not have it!
beatrice: (starts swinging at morris with the baseball bat) you want a piece of me, son? do you?!! pretend i’m at the store trying to steal something you want. i’m trying to give you all a lesson here. that’s all this is.
morris: hey, that item was in my cart. get away from it!! (grabs the bat and whacks beatrice hard in the arm).
beatrice: that’s it! you’ve got it now! that’s a sale bat. every granny should keep one of these. even a gunny granny like me.
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