Salem Witch Trials


a bunch of bullsh-t trials back in 1692. a bunch of women and men were hanged because of a bunch of little girls trying to get attention. the evidence that was taken was the girls’ word that other people’s “specters” or spirits, that no one else could see had attacked them. their religion made them dumb-sses and caused them to judge unreasonably and murder innocent people with no evidence whatsoever.
the salem witch trials were a load of sh-t and caused many innocent people to die.
1692, in salem (now danvers), m-ssachusetts, fourteen women and six men were executed on charges of witchcraft because of the antics of a group of girls and young women.
the girls, who were most likely acting and seeking attention, had been screaming hysterically, thrashing about, uttering strange sounds, and were generally acting in very aberrant ways. owing to the already tense atmosphere of the village, people suspected witchcraft and, upon hearing the testimonies from these “possessed” girls, they were willing to follow whatever the girls said. the puritans, as humorless and superst-tious as always, were convinced that g-d had abandoned them.

by october of that year, nineteen people were hanged, one man was pressed to death under a board weighted with rocks, and hundreds had been jailed. it was only when the girls began accusing ministers, men, children, the wealthy… and the governor’s wife of witchcraft that the authorities finally intervened and stopped the trials.
the salem witch trials would probably not have gone very far had the girls named very respectable people first, but they first named outcasts, people who were already suspect by the community, such as sarah good (an irritable beggar) and sarah osborne (a bedridden old woman who rarely went to church). but soon the accused included highly unlikely people: the arrests of rebecca nurse (a pious, elderly matriarch, highly respected by the community) and martha corey (pious and respected, but skeptical about the credibility of the girls) shocked salem; it meant that anybody could be a witch.
the youngest accused: four-year-old dorothy good, the daughter of sarah good, who probably confessed to be with her mother in jail. while spared, dorothy lost her mother and was traumatized for the rest of her life.
now the salem witch trials are invoked to recall joseph mccarthy’s legacy or any other irrational panic that leads to scapegoats.
when some -sshole starts trouble with you, and then sets you up the be the bad guy and take all the heat.
one of the boss’s stupid b-tches starts a crazy arguement with you at work, and then runs to the boss, who she is f-cking, to get you in trouble.

kate: what happened jane?

jane: salem witch trial, kate. one week off with no pay.

kate: but alice started it! you’re right — salem!

jane: yea, maybe i better start f-cking the boss so i don’t get fired.

kate & jane: nnnnnnnaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a s-xual act. what you do is, dunk a girl\’s head in a toilet, and as you do it, you pound her, all the while screaming \”she\’s a witch!\” and occasionally flush to give her air. if she is found innocent, she will be freed, if she is guilty, she will be burned at the stake.
dude, last night i picked up a chick at a club and performed the \”salem witch trial,\” turns out she was a witch.
cherisse’s favorite place to live. she lives on a park bench in the middle of salem witch trials and cries consistently as she m-st-rb-t-s in front of all of the townspeople. and the ghosts. the ghosts are awesome. someone get the spatula!
cherisse lives in salem witch trials and owns a spatula.

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