salmon assault
a salmon -ssault is an extreme form of attack leaving your opponent either unconcious or so amazed that they will not dare to retaliate.
the attack is best used when there is an object in between your self and the opponent as this will usually block their attack but is no problem for the salmon -ssault.
the salmon -ssault is named due to it un-canny likeness to a salmon leaping up stream.
to perform the attack make sure you have a couple of steps run up at least, when at correct distance leap into the air at speed with your hands straight beside your sides, attempt to get your body as horizontal as possible whilst aiming the top of your head prefferably at the victims nose. shouting salmon whilst flying through the air usually adds comical value and therefore makes it less likely for the police to believe the victim.
achieving contact with the victim in the attack is essential as if you fail to do so the chances of you hitting something much harder then their face is likely and may cause you alot of injury. therefore make sure the salmon is achivable before attempting, remember the higher and more horizontal your body is in flight and the louder the salmon shout the more effective the salmon -ssault will be.
“oi you c-nt”
“salmon” – the salmon -ssault has ended the dispute
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