sharpshitting

a sporting event which takes place after a large meal

a small group of compet-tors salvage a toilet, either from personal belongings or from any appliance store

the toilet is then placed in a determined location, whether it be indoors or outdoors (it is allowed to already be installed in a bathroom)

objective:

-sh-t to earn the most points in a single attempt with a judge panel

rules:

– the compet-tor may sh-t from any location, as long as all of the sh-t lands in the toilet (the inside-walls of the toilet count) (the sh-t does not need to hit the water, if any)
– no items may be used to aid in the acceleration of the sh-t, unless it is providing height alone
– tricks such as jumps or spins can add to the score of the sh-t, but will be scored by the judges out of 100
– height is measured in inches, and for every inch you are vertically from the toilet’s mouth you receive 1 point
– distance is also measured in inches, and for every inch you are horizontally from the toilets mouth you receive 5 points
– if you choose to have the seat down, you receive an extra 50 points
– the contestants may have three attempts in a time limit of 10 minutes once the contestant’s time has started, if they are able to do so
– the size of the sh-t grants 10 points per whole golf ball the sh-t is in length (diameter of one golf ball), although it must be larger than 1 golf ball in m-ss
– the winner is determined by the most amount of points received in one attempt
joe: “is billy alright?”

tom: “nah, he’s been crying in his room for hours.”

joe: “why, what happened?”

tom: “his mom beat him in sharpsh-tting.”

joe: “d-mn, that’s rough.”