Sketchy Fingers
the sketchy fingers is a tall, pasty white, balding humanoid creature last scene in the washington dc area. other noticable physical characteristics include long yellow fingernails, a terrifying 5’oclock shadow, and rancid feet.
the sketchy fingers get its name from its unusual habit of rubbing its scr-t-m and/or -sshole, then immediately sniffing its fingers. this leads to the trademark sketchy fingers “confused” facial expression from which it is most recognizable.
this creature has a high s-xual drive and will fornicate with nearly any size and shape of human female as long as it doesn’t have to use a condom. it tends to court females by impersonating an australian doctor but will also occasionally spit its teeth, although the latter method has not been used for some time.
its eating habits include a wide variety of late night foods, ranging from pizza to leftovers from the fridge of the female which it just had s-x with. the sketchy fingers has no natural predators (excluding male pattern baldness) but does generally shy away from competing with the african-american male in both athletic and female courting abilities. notable defense mechanisms include deception, stealing, and intoxication.
most attemps at capturing the elusive sketchy fingers have been futile, although there is rumor that it is possible to trap it using a large tom brady cutout and stroke29 masturbation cream.
the sketchy fingers tricked me into buying it a chick-fil-a sandwich by claiming its broke its credit card. it used said card to buy a drink immediately after receiving the sandwich.
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