SLOTH day
a day when military personnel do not have to punish the bad guys from their whirling beast of death. nor do they have to brush their teeth or put on their combat boots. they can lounge around all day doing nothing at all.
one military member, we’ll call him oaf for ops air force, once slept 18 hours on sloth day and was only nourished by 5 meat rolls, 2 chicken wings, a light chef salad, and 3 ripits.
a special day in may (may 3rd) where everyone in the nation worships the values of a sloth.
“hey everyone! check out my new cool hat! there’s a sloth on it! i’m waiting to wear it on sloth day!”
sloth day. the day everything and everyone moves slower due to heavy gravitational pull. this vision of a day to come in the near future was originally conceived back in january of 2007 by the famous “supersloth”
“…and in my dream weird sh-t started to happen, like the earth’s gravitational force increased and it became very hard to move around and lift things. this only happened when going outside, normal gravity was felt inside buildings. this is very important.”
but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. for there shall come a day, when all men of lesser strength shall perish, a day when the gravitational force will increase, but only outside buildings, the day of sloth day.
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