Slurvie


a mythical creature living in forests and coffee bars. they are often confused with leprechauns because of their strong physical resemblance, but confusing them would be a dire mistake.

slurvies are known for their bad temper. you would never see a happy or even slightly pleased one. smiling, or laughing aren’t in their vernacular and they’re more likely to bite you or smack you than…anything else, to be honest.

scholars who’ve studied slurvies have but one suggestions for you: “stay. the. f-ck. away!”.
– so did you brake up with kate last night? how did she take it?
– she got slurvie mad. look at these teethmarks on my chest and here, where i’m bleeding like crazy, is where she bashed me over the head with her curling iron.

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