Springville, Utah
a rest stop on the way to a ski resort. a random tiny, racist, mountain, two-bit, h-m-phobic, redneck town next to provo. there’s literally nothing to do besides hanging out at the pool, which has either too much urine from the 3:30 kiddy lessons or pollution, or the poorly-planned sewage c-n-l that runs right next to it on 900 south (i use to be a lifeguard there). the football games can be pretty fun, but only if you enjoying freezing your -ss. the mormons control the city, which isn’t a bad thing, because i’m a mormon, but my bishop was also the sheriff, which made it awkward at times.
oh yeah, and there’s no hot chicks. the cousin-to-cousin marriages have declined since the ’50s, but people who have been there forever are a by-product of incestuous relationships. everyone is of swedish-american heritage, so all the cuisines are completely unhealthy, which explains why there a bunch of lard–sses in springville, utah.
guy #1: this sucks. springville, utah sucks. lets go to provo and hang out at the mall. maybe some easy timpview girls will be there.
guy #2: i concur, but the rich timpview girls may or may not wish to wish to hang out with working cl-ss trash such as us. for the residents of springville, utah will forever endure the injustices of socio-economics.
guy #1: well, i’m hungry. i don’t want to eat at the (insert swedish-sounding surname here)sen’s house again. mcdonald’s is probably much more healthier.
guy #2: yeah, you’re definitely right.
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