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the type of state of the union speech that chris rock or dave chappelle might give.
state of the unizzle address

“my fellow americans, wazzzzaaaaaa! you pimps and hos have been doin’ a good job, fa sho. i wanna give a holla to my dog over in socal – and also wanna holla at my dogs in nyc. we keep that sh-t real ya heeeard me peeps!

my fellow american playas and hot mammas and baby daddies and homies, we are faced with a great threat today. this is some serious sh-t yall. i want yall to listen to me very very f-ckin seriously carefully ok. i didn’t go to the school of hard knocks ivy on dubs law academy for nuthin, b-tches. i know this sh-t is for real. i didn’t grajjjawate with a .44 for nothin b-tches – i know my sh-t ya heard me dogs.

so here’s the deal – we gotta bust a cap in irans head ok. those b-tches are gettin f-ckin sick and straight-up evil ya know. so let’s teach those b-tches a good nice lesson, ya heeaaard. i am making a proposition that we bust a cap up in their -ss too.

oh and they definitely got weapons of m-ssive destruction – no doubt. no doubt my peeps. just yesterday i saw on the news that they were making fire! fire, b-tches! that’s some seriously dangerous sh-t! that’s chemical weaponry by the way, capable of m-ss murder and annihilation.

so we got that straight now and u all feel me, aight b-tches? ok, next on the agenda is the school policy.

there is no doubtation to me that school is very vital and very good for the whole nation. so remember kids – stay in school, be cool, don’t be a fool, don’t be a tool, don’t play pool… ooh b-tches i’m bout to start rappin fa’sho!

hey all my b-tches, here me out –

stay in school, fa’sho
keep it cool, ya know
stay in school, be a pimp
dress up cool, don’t limp
stay in school, be smart
don’t fail cl-ss, do yo part
stay in school, fa’sho
keep it cool, ya know

thanks my b-tches and dogs. i think that you all are doin’ a great job, i think you all are currently off the heezy, but we could try to up it to off the laweezy fa sheezy ya heard.

oh yeah, i forgot dammit! taxes -oh sh-t! ummm.. ey , first of all peeps – i love u all. i really do love you all my b-tches and thugs. you all are great. but look, ummm… i can’t lie to you – we need some more cash money, we need some more moolah.

so this is the plan aight – i’m gonna keep it simple. i’m going to start going on tour all over the united states continent and having concerts, and you all gotta come and pay 50 dollars per person to listen to me rap and do stand-up comedy. this will generate at least a couple bazillion more benjamins for us. cuz really yall – i mean my air force one needs a major makeover. i mean, come on – i definitely need to get the 98” inch dubs on that baby. i need to be stuntin when i travel to places like j-panesy, and france and china, and germanium.

you all get my flow right? yall feel me right babies? aight, fa’sho

oh, and g-d bless america by the way. fa’sho. aight catch yall later – i got some bizn-ss i gottsta do – i gotta do my hustling ya know… aight peeps, peace out!