Sterling VA
sterling va is a town in northern virginia between ashburn and great falls. it is divided in two by the highway, route 7.
on the south side of route 7 is sterling park: an old neighbourhood with old people. there are also immigrants, fat white people, and bob ross. local government claims there is gang activity here. however, the only “gangs” are actually white kids that spray ms13 tags on fences.
on the north side is cascades: a clone of ashburn. residents of cascades will never tell you they live in sterling, as that may -ssociate them with sterling park. instead, they invented the imaginary town of “potomac falls” in an attempt to fool you into thinking they live in great falls. smack in between the mcmansions of cascades is sugarland run, the poorest part of loudoun county. to keep the poor, brown residents of sugarland separate from the rest of cascades, developers put sugarland in the same zip code as sterling park despite being nowhere near sterling park.
man from cascades: “legendary painter bob ross lived here?” “is that your best example of why sterling park is cool”
man from sterling park: -sighs- “yes…..”
______
girl in lowes island: “i don’t want play laser tag in sterling park, it’s so ghettoooooo”
guy in ashburn: “why are you hating on sterling park? your neighbours next-door in sugarland run are way sketchier!”
_______
—author annoyed great falls resident says it the best—
man – “where do you live?”
lowes islander “i live in potomac falls”
man – “oh! i like sterling, that’s a nice area”
lowes islander – (annoyed) “nooo, potomac falls”
man – “b-tch, you live in sterling va!” “get over yourself!”
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