Taking matters into your own hands


masturbating
choking the chicken
beating the bishop
slap boxing the one-eyed champ
holding your sausage hostage
squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
having a date with pam and her five friends
having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
“the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger.”
“mary rejecting him for s-x once again, larry had to take matters into his own hands.”

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