Taser Monkey
a police officer, especially one who reflexively uses his or her taser in situations in which a real cop would rely on his or her wits and communication skills.
peace loving citizen: excuse me, officer, might you have the time?
taser monkey (later, to grand jury): the perpetrator approached me and presented a reasonable request in a peaceable manner. i had no choice but to tase him. and tasers are “non-lethal” so it’s obvious he died on purpose just to frame me.
grand jury: but your victim was a 90-year-old man with a heart condition in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank… asking for the time. and you killed him.
taser monkey: exactly. he could have been a terrorist with a wheelchair bomb, plotting to kill me and everyone else in the area. a lesser cop might have answered with the time and we could all be dead right now!
grand jury: oh right! what were we thinking? of course we’ll side with you no matter what. f-ck the citizens!
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