thumbsturbate


a masturbatory technique characterized by the use of a single thumb as the sole agent of action. requiring high levels of mental focus and physical stamina, this ergonomically problematic style of masturbation is exceptionally inefficient, as the thumb provides little stimulation and success is dependent on the performer’s ability to non-bodily induce -j-c-l-t–n. it is also known to cause weather to change wildly, likely due to the disturbance of the laws of nature involved in the process. citied as a major cause of global warming and climate change.

it has only been performed successfully once in recorded history, at high cost to both the user and the environment.
“hey did you thumbsturbate earlier, cause el godd-mn niño just wiped out canada.”

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