Tirebitch

one who sh-ts on enjoyable conversations, notably by b-tching about minor problems. a tireb-tch believes that the small problems everyone experiences sometimes, such as being p-ssively sh-t-talked by people you dislike, are grave issues that actually make them unique and interesting. they believe that they have been severely damaged by normal human interactions, sometimes going so far as to fake ticks and muttering issues, to show the pain of hearing other people talk at them. the word itself comes from the fact that a tireb-tch is one who b-tches, the ‘tire-‘ prefix coming from an -n-logy used to describe how they ruin conversations. the -n-logy is as such:

imagine a conversation as the process of decorating a christmas tree. as partic-p-nts speak, they add good content to the conversation, making it a complex, pretty thing, like a fir tree decorated with ornaments. imagine bits of good content – such as jokes or good thoughts – are the ornaments with which the tree is decorated. a good conversation sees people gladly adding content as though covering a christmas tree with ornaments. a tireb-tch is one who crashes in through the door abruptly, and smacks the ornaments out of people’s hands, in order to make room for stupid, ugly tires (their ‘problems’). they try to hang their tires on the tree, and everybody has to just sit there and glare at them until they stop trying to hang sh-tty things on the tree and maybe, god forbid, contribute something nice.

hence; “tireb-tch”.
suzie: haha, that was gold, we should really do these things more often!
dan: n-body should do anything more often. everybody sucks.
suzie: dan, you just need to get out more, cheer up!
dan: -gravely serious- you want to know something f-cked up that happened to me?
suzie: …
dan: i went out this one time and harry said i should go die. it cut me deep, reeal deep, man.
suzie: u fokn tireb-tch i aughta smak u right inna gabber m8