Toolidity

often omitted in elementary and high school science courses because of its controversial origins, toolidity is a unit of measurement that, through the systematic application of a toolometer, accurately reflects to what degree a particular human being is a tool. measured in degrees of t (°t), most individuals inherit a relatively safe and healthy range of toolidity – anywhere between 0-10°t. it is impossible to register less than 0 °t. while it is very common for people, especially teenagers, to vacillate drastically on the toolidity scale, only when one consistently has a toolidity of 37.8°t should he or she be considered to “live in a toolbox.” on such rare occasions, tools should seek counsel with qualified toolologists. the most impressive example of toolidity on record is 120.42°t, but toolologists have postulated that there is, indeed, no end to the level of toolidity.
“father, father,” cried jonny, “my lab partner from biology cl-ss, tom, told me about this cool new thing called a snuggie…can i get one?” satirically, the father replied, “g-d, no! have you any idea the effect that would have on this household’s toolidity?”