turtle tamer
they live forever, except when they get their -sses whooped, and they’re really slow, so they’re always getting their -sses whooped. what more can i say?
the turtle tamer’s mystical connection with his terrapin brethren imbues him with great power. he excels at moving very slowly and winning footraces with smug satisfaction. his muscle is the key to his success, and to hislong lifespan.
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