vauxhall corsa
small compact range of european hatchbacks and saloons which were introduced in germany in 1982 as opel corsa and vauxhall nova in britain in 1983, this was then replaced in 1993 with an all new car which took on the european name and remains in production to this day, 2 new versions on. these cars are invariably owned by neds or chavs depending on which side of hadrians wall you are from. your typical older corsa will sport a very large bore exhaust which looks like a catering size tin of beans and makes the vehicle fart, it will have aftermarket alloy wheels which look absurd and are about as tasteful as a frilly toilet seat, normally has a spoiler on the roof that looks just like an ironing board, a body kit that looks like a 5 year old designed it, which incidentally is normally cracked and has smears of fibregl-ss paste on it, it will usually be adorned with stupid ‘lexus look’ taillights which are poorly made and let in water and just look cr-p! all of this and you’d think it was some 200bhp firebreathing monster, right? nope! we are talking about a l-sty 3 cylinder, 973cc, 52 bhp powerhouse! the ultimate acoutriment for the tube about town!
the vauxhall corsa, once driven, forever neddified!
a small supermini owned by vauxhall.
usually driven by the younger generation of today, the type who grunt for general communication and have hair that would disgrace a badgers -rs-.
you know the type.
normally modified to the level of a five year old, typical ‘lexus look’ lights, plastic body kits, an exhaust fitting that is almost always a stripped tin of baked beans.
jim: “look there goes one of those vauxhall corsa’s stuart”
stuart: “yes, your right jim, you know how i know? because i’ve just had a pot of paint thudded of my forehead”
a drone of a measly engine follows, with the cackling laugh of the ‘filthy youth’ of today echoing through the evening air
a car favoured by the sort of people who look like they’re going to run you over
1) are you gonna cross the road?
no, i’ll let this corsa p-ss first
2) the sort of person who drives a vauxhall corsa is the sort of person who’ll end up in prison one day
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