Wanking Simon
a variation of the “peeping tom”, the “w-nking simon” also falls into the wider subcategory of the “peep-w-nk”. like his cousin tom, the w-nking simon will be found peeping through ch-nks in the curtain or gaps in the timber venetian blinds at unsuspecting victims who are in a state of undress. the simon will be simultaneously getting his w-nk on, hence the name “w-nking simon”. partic-p-nts commonly engage in sweater-wearing, as it has been found that a tight knit weave is perfect for brushing over the beaded brow expected from such exertion.
“why, look at that man over there! he’s peeping through the gaps in the timber venetian blinds of the neighbour’s spa house! what is he doing?”
“he’s w-nking! and look! he’s wearing a sweater!”
“by g-d, you’re right! it’s a w-nking simon! call the police!”
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