Werewolf Easter
a holiday created by angry white anglo saxon protestants in response to all the fake holidays that other religions use to get several extra days off from work annually. this holiday celebrates the resurrection of christ….as a werewolf. the celebration typically occurs six weeks before the first monday of august, and lasts approximately two weeks. this two week holiday allows the pract-tioner to watch the entire wimbledon championships without worrying about work days interfering with nbc’s asinine television scheduling.
on the last day of werewolf easter, werewolf christ returns from the dead to do two things for the younger followers:
1) he delivers wicker baskets full of werewolf eggs, and hides said baskets in the most whimsical of places.
2) he scratches their friggen faces off while they sleep.
werewolf easter typically accounts for one of every five childhood deaths in north america each year.
boss: “have a nice weekend! i’ll see you monday morning, bright and early!”
me: “oh no you won’t! wimble-i mean, werewolf easter starts this weekend!”
boss: “what the f-ck? you actually believe in that crazy werewolf sh-t?”
(werewolf jumps out from behind watercooler and eats boss, starting with the face)
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