William and Mary

a public college in virginia; home of the tribe.
william and mary, a poem:

“virginia tech’s
for hicks and rednecks,
and the bigoted prigs are all ‘hoos;
potheads will state
that vcu’s great,
and james madison takes 1.2’s…

if you’re looking for schools
without rednecks or tools
where we’re smart and we aren’t all on crack,
we’re the place that’ll win ya
right here here in virginia –
go tribe and you’ll never go back!”
a small state school in virginia chosen by students who are too smart for jmu and tech, but not quite preppy enough (or tool-ish enough, depending on your point of view) for uva. w&m has a bad reputation for being strict and lacking good parties. it’s true that the academics are sometimes intense, that williamsburg isn’t a college town, and that the frats are located on-campus because of a city ordinance. but with over 5000 college students living here, not to mention grad students, it’s definitely easy to get alcohol or weed and to find good parties every weekend… it’s college, there’s always something to do. people who complain about the academics are just bitter because they thought they were the sh-t in high school, got rejected at the ivys, and can’t believe that w&m is telling them they aren’t as smart as they think. people who complain that there’s nothing to do on the weekends should transfer to uva, where they can be snotb-lls without feeling bitter and out of place.
hey everybody, quit b-tching about william and mary!! you chose to come here and you can choose to transfer.
contrary to popular belief, it is university. haters fall back.
the college of william and mary is not named the university of william and mary because it is trying to maintain its history.
the best school in the state of virginia, william and mary has a rich tradition of being better than the polo-wearing tools from the university of virginia. the college, as it is often known, is where the smart kids from high school go to be surrounded by like-minded people who think activism, volunteering, and studying receive priority over partying (that’s not to say there are no parties — it’s a college, so beer-pounding parties can be found every weekend). the college is a place where underachievers b-tch about not getting in and washouts b-tch about not getting out. there are many critics of the college who criticize the studiousness of students there — that is only because some people forget the ultimate goal of college is to get an education, not a drinking problem. william and mary is a place to go if you want to challenge yourself during the week and get the “college experience” during the weekend. hark!
william and mary has a good balance between getting sh-t done (i.e., studying and actually learning, social and political activism, and volunteering) and getting the “college experience” (i.e., going to the countless frat parties in the units friday and sat-rday night, drunkenly stumbling back to your dorm from ludwell, and sneaking onto the grounds of the governor’s palace in the middle of the night). hark!
where fun goes to die, intelligent kids feel inadequate, the losers in high school are suddenly popular, where your best hasn’t been good enough since 1693, producing the best educated alcoholics, and the home of john stewart
where does this kid go to school:
tall
awkward
pink polo shirt
popped collar
huge backpack
and prepared to talk about biochemistry at any moment

he is the most popular student at william and mary.
a place that, according to steely dan and many others, simply won’t do.
oh no, william and mary won’t do.
four years of college without the “college experience”. diversity and sense of humor, zero. lots of girls though. unfortunately, the odds are good but the goods are odd. these poor moles live in the library and are burly, ill kept, and generally like horses better than men. those that are half decent pay for friends and social lives in the tragic greek system where the guys have access to these girls because they also pay to join the polo army. the teachers care enough to keep their grading curves even, and thanks to the huge nerd factor that really impedes the social lives of those who frequent the schools three delis “cr-ppy restaurants by day” “cr-ppy bars by night”. if you say hi to a mole”ish” stranger on the way to cl-ss, theyre likely to glare you down or cry rape because they are smart and a huge wuss and arent willing to take that “chance” that you’re a predator.
take the ten lamest kids form high school, multiply by 1000, and put them in colonial williamsburg. at william and mary, if given the option between keg party and wine bar, they choose quiet coffee house with a cl-ssic book, some flavored coffee, and an edgy pair of reading gl-sses, claiming they could be wild but why not be unique and tastefully unpredictable. and should you happen to stumble in drunk looking for a pee stop with your hookup, they glare at you or cry rape because they’re so smart they know whats about to happen.

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