Yava
a humanoid creature characterised by a perfectly spherical mole at the end of their nasal appendage. thought to have originated from a brown-slime cave north of istanbul, fossilised yava remains have, however, been found throughout the world.
the largest known colony can be found on the isle of wight, inhabitaing an area known as yavaworld.
typically, yavas live in groups of up to 27 individuals, living in brown-slime caves where they sleep on top of each other in tall columns – referred to as bundles.
generally placid in nature, it is however advisable to keep yavas away from alcohol. when inebriated it is typical for yavas to expose themselves, much to the horror of others.
the majority of yavas tend to be male, which has made succesful breeding a challenge – although yavas do typically display ambis-xual characteristics.
in 1998 the first captive yavas were succesfully bred in the dujong zoo, singapore. dr david crobbit, head of the reptilian department at the zoo said; “it was f–kin amazin! we put the male in with the female and within twenty seconds he was stood at the top of the water slide in their enclosure, with his c0ck out! the actual procedure lasted about forty seconds and the clean up took two days” – a typical yava male can -j-c-l-t- up to 75 litres of brown slime in an evening.
brime, the term commonly ascribed to the brown slime excreted by yavas, is toxic in nature and thought to contain up to seventeen stds.
1. ” little jimmy corbitt looked up in horror at the yava-like creature stood over him. before he could open his mouth the creature had oozed a brown slime all over jimmy’s forehead. blinded from the offending excretion, little jimmy screamed. “man, what are you doing dude-man?”. ” extract from little jimmy corbitt’s horror at orchard cottage, penguin paperback, 2006.
2. “oh no. no, no my g-d, please nohhhhhhh!!!!!” screamed the drunk tourist as her first night in magaluf ended in a manner too horrific to be described.
means in the open, public knowledge, truth, in wakefulness
was that in yava or just a dream?
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