Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences (ACPHS)
acphs has been over-loading minds and torturing young adults since it’s birth in 1881. it is known to be the leading cause of premature (meaning under the age of 25) gray-ing of the hair. acphs takes pride in its lack of gr-ss and its abundance of mud. unfortunately, acphs commonly sees its fair share of campus rapes. the victim is typically stressed, exhausted, brain-dead, and hasn’t seen the sun in about a week. the violator is tricky and cunning and can take the shape of either a scantron, or blackboard. but recently the college has been working hard to fix this problem. for example, a coldstone creamery was introduced to the campus just this year so that rape victims can take in ten times the allotted # of calories for one week in one sitting. this solution does not completely eliminate stress but it is proven to effectively put off stress, and if you’re lucky, add a complimentary bundle of guilt. all in all, acphs has successfully shaped many optimistic, bright young students into jaded, and depressingly apathetic adults. the inst-tution looks forward to looking over your application as soon as possible (and by looking over your application i mean begin collecting your soul).
student #1: “how’d you do on the test?”
student #2: “i feel like i was just raped”
student #1: “me too!”
student #2: “yeah! let’s go get coldstone and eat all of our feelings!”
student #1: “sounds great!”
student #2: “gotta love albany college of pharmacy and health sciences (acphs)!!!!”
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