cleveland turndown
a cleveland turndown refers to the rare but savory occasion when you find yourself at a female’s apartment who you decide that you don’t want to bone anymore after originally agreeing to come upstairs. rather than embar-ss yourself by having s-x with her or rejecting her to her face, you wait for her to leave the room while she changes/takes a shower/goes to the bathroom. when the opportunity presents itself, you carefully unmake her bead, take a huge sh-t, and then remake the bed just the way you found it. feel free to wipe with her sheets, pillow cover, comforter, or whatever seems most degrading at the time (bath robe?). but make sure the wipe job is noticeable, so she can piece together your absence on her own. make sure the rest of the room is just as you found it. then run like h-ll and never talk to her again.
wow man, close call last night. i couldnt shake this one b-tch who i picked up at the club, so i was forced to resort to drop her the cleveland turndown. crude, yes, but it gets the job done.
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