Crown of Turds
-noun
1. an impenetrable barrier created when the resources one allocates to ignorant and irrational thoughts exceed their normal daily thought process (including hunger, thirst, and sensory) by a 90:1 ratio. a crown of t-rds makes its wearer completely impervious to the wants, needs, and feelings of others. with use, the subject develops tendencies for narcissistic personality disorder, and eventually delusions of grandeur.
2. a phenomenon that occurs when ones hair becomes severely matted with feces from incessant brown nosing and generally kissing up to everyone with any measure of power. a crown of t-rds is said to have the power grant the dubya touch to the weak-minded.
3. a mark of disgrace in which fecal waste is placed on the head of an individual, formed into the shape of a crown, and baked until reaching the hardness and consistency of wood. typically administered to those who show the greatest incompetence in their given field.
will: “our store has become the second best in the district, but our manager still treats us like cr-p, and won’t listen to a thing we say.”
rob: “dude, you’re never going to get through to your boss, he has a crown of t-rds.”
bob: “i swear! the mayor is running this town into the ground!”
tony: “that’s because he’s wearing an eighty-pound crown of t-rds.”
jill: “our city commissioner jacked up prices on bus-fare to increase profits, but caused all of the riders to have friends drive them. they lost a bunch of money, and now the city doesn’t have public transportation!”
bernice: “i say we pay him a visit and give him a crown of t-rds!”
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