Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas


the best video game ever
i went to the store today and bought grand theft auto: san andreas.
released in late october of 2004, gta: sa is a video game for the playstation 2 (ps2). you take the role of a protaganist who goes around jacking people from their cars and performing missions on the streets of a fictional city called “san andrdeas”.

the great thing about the game is that there is so many things you can do besides follow the main story. like be a taxi driver, paramedic, pimp, valet parker, street racer, truck shipment driver, pool shark, gambler and so on.

the game is a whole lot of fun if you’re into action games with driving. not recommended for young audiences. the game is rated m (mature) for a reason.
carl: “don’t take this personally, but you gettin’ jacked.”
best. game. ever.
best. game. ever.
the guy doing this definition is so right!
unlike the other people who give definitions for this game, who give wrong information or none at all, this is what its about. you play carl johnson(cj), who returns to the state of san andreas after 5 years in liberty city. to make a long story short, cj and his brother are betrayed by smoke and ryder, and cj rescues his brother from jail and gets revenge on everyone…while doing tons of other things and meeting tons of other people.
the state of san andreas has 3 cities;los santos,(los angeles)san fierro,(san francisco)and las venturas(las vegas).
in this game you are able to do tons more stuff than before; like lift weights, buy clothes, get tatoos, get hair cuts, gamble, and do tons of other stuff that would take all day to list. but they also made it gay by forcing you to eat or else youll starve.

and finally!!!!, you can swim instead of drowning upon contact with water!
grand theft auto: san andreas is great, but its fun to go back and play gtaiii and gta vice city as well.
this m-ssive game spans the entire state of san andreas, with visits to three major cities patterned on real-life counterparts. there’s los santos (based on los angeles), a gritty blur of smog and violence; san fierro (based on san francisco), and las venturas (based on las vegas), a midnight wonderland crawling with money, s-x and corruption.
there are dozens of missions, hundreds of secrets, tons of vehicles and weapons, and all kinds of stuff to do.
stuff like recruiting gang members, swimming, building property, riding bikes, eating, working out, getting a haircut, attracting the ladies and much, much more.

-welcome to san andreas
welcome to san andreas, possibly the largest console game ever made. veterans of the series will marvel at the fact that sa feels about five times larger than vice city, with enough core missons to keep you busy for dozens of hours.

-what’s to do?
as always, there are a series of missions dedicated to forwarding the expanisve story of san andreas–the story of you, carl johnson. after being away from the hood for five years after the death of your family members, you’ve returned. the problems that plagued you are still there… and have gotten worse. it’s up to you to set things right, gain respect, and deliver the hood from evil. as you progress through the game, you’ll drive and steal countless numbers of vehicles. you’ll notice that when you get in certain vehicles, you will be able to push a b-tton and trigger special missions. in addition to missions, there is tons of stuff to find, scattered throughout the three cities and the countryside. for starters, there are 100 gang signs that you’ll need to tag over. there are also 50 snapshots to take, 70 unique jumps to make, 50 oysters to find, and 50 horseshoes to locate.

-wanted level
what’s a wanted level? it’s a tangible representation of just how much trouble you’re in as a criminal at the given moment. here are things you can do to raise your wanted level:

=jacking cars: sure, it’s the bread and b-tter of the game, but if a cop sees you do it, he will come after you.
running pedestrians over: as in life, this will draw attention, especially from the boys in blue.
=shooting people: pretty obvious. shoot all you want when the cops aren’t around, but when johnny law is in sight, lay off the trigger. if you shoot a cop, then you’re in a world of hurt.
=damaging property: this one is tricky. cops won’t nail you if are knocking down light poles, but they might take notice if you’re wrecking cars left and right… especially cop cars.
the more things you do, the worse it will get. your wanted level is represented by stars. if you have one star, it’s pretty easy to maneuver out of danger. if you have over one star, the police will chase you more fiercely. cars will chase you, and get more aggressive. anything above that is big trouble. swat members will be called in, roadblocks formed, etc. if you want to have some fun, see how high you can get your warning level and then see how long you can stay alive/evade the police.
if the cops do catch you, they’ll bust you… provided they don’t run you over or shoot you first. you’ll wake up after spending a night in prison. your wallet will be a lot lighter and you’ll be stripped of any weapons you may have accrued, so be extra careful when messing with 5-0. there’s nothing more depressing than losing a nice shotgun just because some b-tch–ss cop decided to collar you.

-getting out of trouble
if your wanted level is a mere one star, all you have to do is stay out of the policeman’s eyesight for a bit, and the wanted level will go away. pursuit in motor vehicles is weak at best… so just find a quiet neighborhood to drive around in, or run to a secluded spot and just wait it out.
if the wanted level is higher, you’ll be needing to get your -ss to a pay n’ spray (indicated by a green spray can icon on the map). it will cost $100 a pop, which is hardly anything when you consider you’ll stay out of jail for a night. after you get your car sprayed, you have to be nice for awhile. while your stars are flashing, you’ll have to stay completely out of trouble, or your warning level will immediately vault back up to its orginal glory.
another way to whittle away at your wanted level is to find bribe icons and walk (or drive) over them. doing this will lower your wanted level by one star, which could be the difference between freedom and the slammer. a bribe icon is shown on the picture above. the final way to drop a wanted level is to finish a mission. even if you’re at six stars, the second you finish, the threat will go away.

-driving tips
=it’s more important to drive under control than it is to drive fast. you’ll avoid getting spun around and banged up, which becomes very crucial in certain missions.
=when you’re going fast, avoid sudden movements. these will cause your car to spin out, flip, roll, etc.
=if your car is banged up and smoking, get another one. if the mission requires you to stay in the same car… hurry up and get it to a pay n’ spray! if a car starts flaming, get out fast, then run… it’s about to blow. you won’t survive if you’re anywhere in the explosion halo.
=use the lock-on b-tton on turns. it’s there for a reason. you’ll be able to keep some of your speed by sliding through a turn, rather than braking sharply and then turning.
=know the limitations of your vehicle. don’t take a slow or beat-up car to a street race, for instance, and don’t take a wimpy compact to a job where you know you’re going to get shot at.
=be alert. this sounds stupid, but it isn’t. there is so much going on in the city that it is sometimes difficult to see where everything is coming from. focus on driving when you’re driving and you’ll avoid a lot of heartache.

-combat tips
=always crouch when firing weapons. this improves your accuracy and decreases the enemy’s chances of hitting you.
=speaking to a similar point, always fire from a position of cover. crouch down next to a low wall or car and use it to protect yourself as you shoot at the opposition.
=use the right weapon for the job. don’t bring a shotgun to the party when you need to blast across the room. a tec-9 is a pretty good all-around bet.
=roll to avoid fire. whenever crouched, pressing right or left on the left -n-log will make you roll, and this can be used to dodge bullets.
=use the manual camera to look around corners and down hallways before going w-lly-nilly into the fray. doing this kind of cheaty recon will allow you to stay alive longer.
=use your mini-map to discover where potential targets may be coming from. enemies can approach from any direction, so keep your head on a swivel, and don’t be surprised!
=don’t reload in the open. always seek cover to put in a new clip.
=when you can, roll with numbers. bringing buddies along to a fight will make it much easier.
=if you can, kill people with your car before you get out and use a gun.
=always wear a vest. this will essentially give you two health bars to work with, and make you a much bigger -sset in any firefight.

-hurting and healing
throughout your little journey through the mean streets of san andreas, you’ll draw your fair share of violence, justified or not. keep track of your health by checking out the red bar on the right side of the screen. if this completely empties, you will be “wasted” and will be deposited at the nearest hospital. if you have money, $100 of it will be taken each time you go there, so try not to go there. if you have less than $100, or are flat broke, the hospital will still heal you up, but you’ll be penniless.
the hospital is one way to heal, but you’ll want to do something about your condition before things get that bad. in san andreas there are several options to heal:

=stop by a save house and save. you will come out refreshed!
=eat a meal at one of the restaurants on the map. eating a meal will not recover full health, so you may need to eat a couple if you are really banged up.
=use a vending machine. for a mere $1, you will gain a health boost.
=pick up a “heart” icon. these are normally found within missions, but they boost your health considerably, so use them if you find them.

you’ll also want to be on the lookout for body armor (it looks like a blue, spinning vest) to use before going into battle. this will essentially give you an extra full health bar to work with. the vest strength will be represented by a white bar near your health. when the body armor drops to zero, your health will be chipped away, unless you find another vest.
note: there is a vest right near your house. go out behind the house and into the aqueduct to the left. go down the sloped wall of the aqueduct and head left. on an incline underneath the bridge, you’ll find a handy vest.

-skeelz to make the dealz
in san andreas, your character possesses some rpg-esque attributes which can be grown throughout the course of the game to make certain things easier. while playing, you can quickly pull up a status display to see how you’re progressing in those categories. most of the skills are improved by simple repet-tion. it stands to reason that the more you shoot weapons, the higher your weapons skill rises. here are the attributes you can affect and how to do so:

respect: isn’t respect what we’re all after? your character is no different. respect will be earned by killing rival gang members and completing missions. you can also gain some measure of respect by dressing appropriately and taking care of yourself.

weapon skill: this skill measures how proficient you are with weapons. as you use specific weapons more, your skill will grow accordingly. you can check out the progress you’ve made with a specific weapon by looking at the stats: weapons scroll. you’ll begin at poor with each gun, and progress from gangster to hitman. as your skills improve, you’ll gain the ability to hold multiple weapons and more. the weapon skill you see on the display is your c-mulative attribute.

stamina: the more stamina you have, the longer you will be able to sprint and hold your breath while swimming. to improve this skill, get on the treadmill or stationary bike in a gym, run around the environment and scale a lot of hills. in addition to increasing stamina, you will increase your max health, which is very helpful. every chance you get early on, get some reps in on the bike.

muscle: the more muscle you put on, the stronger you’ll be in hand-to-hand combat, and the more attractive you’ll be. you can get seriously yolked by spending some time in the gym. go to the dumbells and bench to put on lots of muscle m-ss quickly.

fat: having more fat will slow you down, and hurt your stamina. to get fat, go to a restaurant and pig out on fatty foods. to burn it, do activities that promote stamina–like running, swimming and riding the stationary bike. or just don’t eat.

s-x appeal: this stat is a witches’ brew of many factors. how does your body look? if you’re ripped, your appeal will go up. if you wear the right kind of clothes and haircut and have the right tattoos, it can also improve. the number of missions you complete is another factor. the higher your s-x appeal, the more the ladies will dig you, and that’s a good thing.

-getting buff
another new thing you can do in san andreas is to build up your character’s muscles. this will be represented by a red dumbbell on the map. cruise over there and go inside. use the weight machines here to build up muscle and work toward your “gangsta physique.”
select a machine and follow the onscreen directions to build your m-ss. most of the equipment requires you to tap a single b-tton or between alternating b-ttons. it’s a good idea to put your controller flat and use index fingers to do this quickly. after several exercises, you will be unable to improve your physique for the day.
there are various pieces of equipment in the gym, and here is what they do for you:

treadmill: improves stamina, burns fat
bench: increases muscle
dumbells: increases muscle
stationary bike: improves stamina, burns fat

once you get strong enough in the gym, you will be prompted to learn some new fighting moves. go talk to the trainer near the boxing ring and you’ll get a crack at the fighter inside. lock on to him and use melee moves to beat him silly. don’t relent… just keep on punching until he drops for good. when he does, you’ll be granted new moves for your -rs-nal. here is what you get:

running attack: whilst running, lock on to a target with then press the use item b-tton.
ground attack: lock on to a downed opponent then press the use item b-tton.
combo attack: lock on to a target then press the use item b-tton repeatedly.

as you move into new cities, you’ll have even more opportunities to grow your skills by visiting those gyms.

-looking sharp (you’ve got the look)
there are several ways to change up your appearance that don’t involve how much you work out or how much you eat. the beginning of the game does a good job of walking you through these things. just play sweet’s early missions and he will make you go to the barber and clothing store (binco’s) to get a feel for those activities.
going to the barber will immediately change your haircut. plunk down the money, get your do, and walk out of the shop a new man. the kind of haircut you get will affect how other characters treat you. you’ll get respect from the homies if you get corn rows, for instance. however, if you roll into the hood with a jheri curl, your buddies will rip on you. show that same cut to the ladies, and they’ll… erm.. let their soul glow. you can get fancy and change your haircut before a date, and that’s just what we recommend, as long as you can afford it.
you can also buy new threads at a number of clothing stores in various locations. stores will be represented by a shirt icon on the map. to buy clothes, head inside the store and go back to the fitting room. here, you’ll be given a list of different elements to your wardrobe. select one to view the wares, try them on, and grab the gear you want. the last thing you buy is what you wear out of the store. in order to change, you’ll need to go back to the wardrobe in your house (the upper floor in cj’s home). early in the game, you’ll want to wear something green… as these are the colors of your grove street family gang.
the final piece of the vanity puzzle is the tattoo parlor. go inside to ink yourself up. tattoos range in price and size, and you can choose to put them almost anywhere. note, though, that some tats will be obscured by clothing, should you choose to wear it. if you have a nice big back tat, consider going shirtless. p-ssersby will also comment on your tattoos, so choose well. it’s a good idea to get a grove street tat to impress your homies.

-romance… san andreas style
so you’re hot… now what? once you meet denise in the tenpenny “burning desire” mission, you’ll have a special lady to take care of. her house will now appear on the map as a heart, and you can go over there at any time and walk to the red marker to take her out. when you get to her place, a number of icons will appear, showing fast food, diner, restaurants and bars. you will get tips onscreen as to the area she might like to eat in, so take her to someplace nice in that region. on the way, she’s likely to want to do some drive-bys, so just roll with it.
when you arrive at the place you want to take her to, get out of the car. before you go in, you may be prompted to kiss her. go ahead and take the opportunity. it may help your progress with your lady. if you take your girl to a spot she likes (in her neighborhood, usually), she’ll view you favorably. if she doesn’t like the place you go, your progress will take a hit, and she’ll ask to be driven home. no nookie for you!
pay attention to your girl, or she will stop liking you. if she calls you on the phone and tells you that you’ve been ignoring her, that’s your cue to get over there and take her on a date. if you don’t bother to follow up on a phone call, consider that date a disaster. missing dates is a sure way to fall out of favor with your honey.
as you move deeper into the game, you’ll gain other girlfriends. progress with each can be monitored at the stats: achievements screen.

-two-person hijinks
you’ll notice that the first time you go to denise’s house, there is an unfamiliar icon on her front porch. this is the two-player mission icon. plug in a separate dual shock, get a buddy, and raise twice the amount of h-ll in san andreas .

-burglaries
once you complete ryder’s home invasion mission, you will be able to burglarize several houses scattered around the map. you must be driving the same kind of black truck used in this particular mission, but the burglaries will work roughly the same. look for places that are lit up at night. if a yellow marker appears near the door, sneak inside, remain steathly (using crouch is the best for this), and watch the noise meter. take goods out to the truck until the house is cleaned out, and put them inside. when the truck is full, drive it to the lockup.

-gang warfare
once you do the sweet: doberman mission, you will have the ability to start your own gang wars. to do it, go into any area on the map marked something other than green (the grove street colors) and start shooting the gangsters there. this will provoke a gang war, and rival gang members will start coming out of the woodwork. every gang war has three waves of attackers, and you will be told you survived the wave once it is complete. after each wave, be sure to pick up any weapons and money the rival gangs drop.
once you survive three waves, you will control the territory. it is now yours on the map, and appears green. your own gang member will now be seen in the area… but it won’t remain yours forever. rival gangs will constantly try to take your turf over, and when they do, it will flash red and an icon will appear. controlling turf also leads to money and respect. the cash will appear in grove street, so head back there to collect.
note: it’s always best to roll with a bunch of your own guys when trying to take over territory, so begin in an area that you control, target your own guys, and rally them to your cause by pressing up on the d-pad. once you have a crew, get into a vehicle and roll off to the hood you want to conquer. the more respect you earn, the more homies you will be able to recruit to your cause.
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-skill weapons
this set of weapons factor into your overall weapons skill score, and each category is also tracked on the stats: weapons screen. as your proficiency in each increases, you will start gaining accuracy and the ability to use the weapons in new and exciting ways.

ak47
the signature chatter of the ak spells doom and defeat for any enemy stupid enough to walk into your sights. brandishing an ak gives you an immediate edge in battle, so seek it out early and often.

combat shotgun
oh h-ll yeah. this puppy has serious stopping power–and rapid fire to boot. not to be messed with, it’s one of the best weapons in the game.

desert eagle
a bit more powerful handgun, this is the one from sn-tch . pick it up and give it a tug… it’s got a satisfying pop. definitely a better gun than the regular pistol.

m4
another great machine gun, this one is crucial for group situations when you need to switch targets quickly.

mini smg
these things are great all-purpose weapons, simply because they chew through so many bullets so quickly. take these into any gang war and you won’t be disappointed.

pistol
the standard pistol. squeeze once to let off a round, or hold the trigger to hear the pop-pop-pop. this is a decent weapon, but if you can get your hands on something a little more auto, by all means, do it.

sawn-off shotgun
a little more compact and a little more menacing than the regular shotgun, this weapon will blow its targets into bl–dy mist. an ammu-nation exclusive, you can’t find this one dropped by anyone in the game.

shotgun
as always, the shotgun is one of the most enticing weapons in the game, primarily because it does so very much damage at close range.

silenced pistol
like the above pistol, but this one can be used in stealth-style missions to kill victims without making a huge racket. if you don’t want someone in the next room to hear fire and come running, this is the weapon for you.

tec 9
a nice machine pistol, the tec 9 rips through a lot of meat in a hurry. equip it in large group situations where you can cycle through and kill targets rapidly.
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-melee weapons
use these to get up close and personal. bludgeon, slice and otherwise mash your target into a bl–dy pulp.

bat
a trusty louisville slugger is a pretty decent weapon if you can get in close. lock on and bam! instant de niro.

billy club
a cop’s weapon of choice, the billy club is easy to swing, and does lots of damage in close. too bad gaining one usually comes with a built-in warning level.

br-ss knuckles
strap some of these to your meathooks to make your already deadly right cross that much meaner.

chainsaw
a devastating weapon, the chainsaw allows you to go all leatherface on your foes.

d-ld-
yeah… you read that right. you can wield a prosthetic johnson as a deadly weapon. anyone who has seen lock, stock and two smoking barrels will relate.

katana
this samurai sword is another fun in-close weapon. slash and slice your way to bl–dy revenge.

knife
particularly handy up close when your victim doesn’t know you’re approach… stealth style!

pool cue
a bar fight just wouldn’t be the same without a pool cue broken over someone’s back. pretend it’s road house and go nuts.

shovel
before you dig someone’s grave, make them grave-worthy with this weapon.
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-other weapons
these specialty weapons pack a lot of firepower.

bazooka
like the rocket launcher, this puppy fires a missile. lock on to your target and blast for some serious pyrotechnics.

flamethrower
chestnuts roasting by the open fire… the flamethrower continues to be a great weapon, as it is in most games. the best part about it is that it keeps hurting a target even after you’re done shooting.

rocket launcher
as you’d expect, this sucker can take down practically anything, including aircraft.

sniper rifle
target and zoom for some nice long range shooting. when you absolutely don’t want to get dirty, this is the rifle for you.
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explosives
these explosive weapons are all pretty handy for taking out groups and causing general mayhem.

grenades
the longer you hold the throw b-tton, the further the grenades will go. take into account the grenade’s trajectory when placing your throw. make sure you don’t toss a grenade and run into that area, because that’s plain silly.

molotov c-cktail
like the flame thrower, the added benefit of the molotov is that it inflicts fire damage on its target.

satchel
place a satchel explosive by pressing the fire b-tton. detonate by targeting and pressing the fire b-tton again. boom!
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miscellaneous
not quite weapons, not quite tools, but useful nonetheless.

camera
also available from your bedroom at the johnson house, the camera is what you’ll need in order to shoot and collect snapshots throughout the game.

fire extinguisher
aim at the base of the fire to put it out when this tool is equipped.

flowers
a tool of love, the flowers won’t work well on a drive-by, but they can zero in on your lover’s heart.

spray can
you’ll need this to tag over the gang signs you find scattered throughout san andreas. there is always one to be found in your upstairs bedroom in the johnson house in your hood.
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buildings/stores

-safe houses
safe houses exist everywhere on the map, and are indicated by green houses on the map before they are purchased. once you throw down some loot for these places, the icon will switch to a disc on the map and you will now be able to access these structures to save your game. having a diverse array of safe houses is key if you want to save time in the game. and since saving your game often is a very, very good idea, having a nice group of safe houses throughout the map is also a very, very good idea.
in addition to saving, each of the safe houses contains a wardrobe which will allow you to change into clothes you’ve bought or acquired throughout the course of your time in the game.

–sset properties
by completing missions and challenges, you will acquire certain -sset properties. these places serve some kind of public need, and eventually earn money for you. to collect it, go to the $ sign in front of the place and collect your cash. -sset properties are as follows:

=cj’s house, los santos ($ variable): the money generated depends on how much gang territory you control. the money symbol will appear after completing sweet’s doberman mission.
=roboi’s foot mart, los santos ($2000): complete the courier missions in commerce, los santos.
=rs haul, countryside ($2000): do all trucking missions in flint county.
=hippy shopper, san fierro ($2000): complete the courier missions in queens, san fierro.
=w-ng cars, san fierro ($8000): buy the business and complete the car thief missions in doherty, san fierro.
=vank hoff park hotel, san fierro ($2000): complete the valet vehicle missions to make this one yours. it can be found in financial, sf.
=zero rc, san fierro ($5000): buy the business and complete the zero missions in garcia, san fierro.
=verdant meadows, desert ($10,000): buy the business and complete the airstrip missions in the desert.
=hunter quarry, desert ($2000): complete the quarry missions in bone county.
=burger shot, las venturas ($2000): complete the courier missions in redsands east, las venturas.

-stores/services
there are several stores that will allow you to change your look and buy goods, and they’re scattered all over the map. here are the types of things offered:

=barber: the barber shop is represented by a pair of scissors on the map. head there to change your look (which in turn tweaks your s-x appeal and respect ratings).
=clothing stores: be it binco’s or zip, a clothing store is represented by a shirt on the map. head inside to secure some new threads. keep your eyes peeled for new shops when you head to a new town, or return to an old one (wink). stores have differing inventory, so check them all to get a wide array of threads.
=gyms: there is one in each city, and their services are free. go inside to gain muscle. once you’re buff enough, talk to the trainers inside to gain new and fancier fighting moves. visit the basics section of this guide for more info.
=pay n’ spray: this is a business that fits a specific purpose–evading the authorities. it is represented on the map by a green nozzle icon. drive into one, pay $100 and emerge with a new paint job and immunity from the wanted level you’ve accrued.
=weapons stores: these are represented by a gun icon on the map. go inside to grab weapons and body armor, and partic-p-te in the shooting challenges (in the back of some ammu-nations) to gain weapon skill.

-restaurants/bars
there are several reputable establishments scattered across the map… and a bunch of fast food places as well. here’s what you can expect from each:

-bars/clubs: these only show up on the map when you have a lady in tow, but most of these places are open all the time. select bars allow you to play pool and arcade games. clubs allow you to dance, provided you finished og loc’s “life’s a beach” mission.
-burger shot: mmmm… burger. burger shot offers up just what you’d expect… at value prices. head there to heal and to maintain your energy level.
-cluckin’ bell: this high-fat chicken joint isn’t hard on the pocketbook, but it is on the figure. most fast food places contain a fire extinguisher in the kitchen, if you need one.
-well-stacked pizza: pizza, pizza and more pizza. get plump and healthy at the same time!
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secrets

-unlockable: driving school rewards
the ratings needed to earn vehicles, and the vehicles earned are as follows (you must have at least one of those medals in all tests to qualify for the reward vehicle):

70-89%: bronze- super gt
90-99%: silver- bullet
100%: gold- hotknife

-unlockable: pilot school rewards
the ratings needed to earn vehicles, and the vehicles earned are as follows (you must have at least one of those medals in all tests to qualify for the reward vehicle):

70-89%: bronze- rustler
90-99%: silver- stuntplane
100%: gold- hunter

-unlockable: boat school rewards
the ratings needed to earn vehicles, and the vehicles earned are as follows (you must have at least one of those medals in all tests to qualify for the reward vehicle):

bronze- marquis
silver- squallo
gold- jetmax

-hint: play basketball
head to the left of sweet’s house (and go into the back yard) in your neighborhood to find a basketball court. pick up the ball and follow the onscreen instructions to play some hoop.

-hint: easy firearms
head out behind your house in los santos and go down into the aqueduct. go down the slope and head right along the walkway to locate a nice mini smg. you’ll also find a pistol in sweet’s backyard.

-hint: easy body armor
go out behind the house and into the aqueduct to the left. go down the sloped wall of the aqueduct and head left. on an incline underneath the bridge, you’ll find a handy vest.

-hint: easy money for cleaning the hood
anytime you kill a drug dealer, you will net $2000. drug dealers normally wear black jackets and stand still waiting for people to talk to them. kill as many as you can find to build up your cash stash quickly.

-easter egg: vice city action figures
after purchasing the rc zero shop in san fierro, look behind the counter to see vice city branded action figures, and other merchandise
i like to play grand theft auto: san andreas.

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    the act of straddling a dirty toilet and expelling a fat t-rd into the toilet, but it swings and inadvertently lands in the underwear instead of the toiletbowl. dude, tarnell was over at pooka’s house pinchin off a loaf and he ended up doin a gaunty in his drawers! the gayest of all them all […]

  • Milton Keynes

    a great borough, located between london an birmingham and comprising of the towns bletchley, wolverton, stony stratford and newport pagnell. ignorant outsiders often mock mk, mistaking it as just the shopping centre and crying because a simple grid system is too hard for their special little brains. most people are jealous of milton keynes, resorting […]

  • Sanctuary

    best d-mn show on television. features the supermegafoxyawesomehot amanda tapping as hbic dr. helen magnus, and is about her and her team being kick -ss. the sanctuary team also includes will zimmerman (the ever-pantless robin dunne aka throbin b-m), henry foss (ryan ryro robbins), kate freelander (agam darshi, the indian goddess of i’m-freaking-gorgeous). so basically, […]

  • President Clinton

    former governor of arkansas elected 42nd president of the united states in 1992 defeating inc-mbent george h. w. bush president clinton inherited a recession and m-ssive deficits from the previous administration, but he restored the economy and fiscal responsibility all while under constant attack by the vast right-wing conspiracy. after two terms he left office […]

  • Twix

    two black people in the same sleeping bag. you look at those two black campers. they look like a twix. noun: a chocolate bar. finger-shaped crunchy biscuit topped with caramel and coated in chocolate. rumoured that some people also use these for other things =/ verb: to twix = to finger. ‘i twixed myself with […]


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