GT Xpress 101
a cr-ppy infomercial product that makes high calorie semi-circles.
“hey, did you check out that infomercial for the gt xpress 101 last night?”
“yeah man, that things total cr-p!”
the gt xpress 101 is an infomercial product bolstered by “cooking expert,” cathy mitch-ll, in tow with an obscure guest named joe farago, a purportedly struggling actor who briefly hosted 80’s game show “break the bank.” it opens with joe standing in a “kitchen,” before a counter with a myriad of “appetizing,” meals. cathy walks in and introduces the “revolutionary,” gt xpress 101. she commences to make omelets and breakfast sandwiches, she makes a “pizza pita,” and two wraps. there is break for testimonials. we return and she shows off the food, staying for only a second, and she barely cuts the food in half before moving on. she fills the wells with pancake mix and drops a hot dog in, for a “corn dog.” they discuss the health benefits, forgetting to mention that cathy dumps approximately 10 pounds of shredded cheese on everything, which she probably prepared with vince shlomi’s, “graty,” from the slap chop infomercial. not only that, she makes commercial cinnamon buns and drops candy bars and cookies into chocolate cake, raising the calorie count. her beady eyes undoubtedly suck the naive viewers into the warped dimension of infomercial h-ll as she raves about a disgusting dish she calls “stuffed soup.” but wait! her and hubby joe return for the gt xpress 101 redi set-go, where we discover her obsession for pizza, “cookizza,” cinnamon buns, egg dishes (with a mountain of cheese), chocolate candy bar cake, and stuffed soup returns for honorable mention as a three ingredient or less recipe. yes folks, a life changing invention, the gt xpress 101 will make life fun and easy, while you unknowingly consume candy bar cake and hot dog pancakes, cathy’s black magic will surely take your soul to h-ll with her.
i stayed up late last night and saw an infomercial for the gt xpress 101, i had nightmares of demons all night after i saw cathy mitch-ll’s eyes.
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