I wouldn’t shit on him if he was on fire
the expression, “i wouldn’t p-ss on him if he was on fire” suggests a very strong hatred for an individual. often when it is used, someone who hates the person even more comes back with “i wouldn’t sh-t on him if he was on fire”, thinking this takes the hate level a step further.
however they are mistaken. sh-t, p–p or jobbies wouldn’t help put the fire out (unlike p-ss) so in fact by sh-tting on someone who is on fire you are adding insult to injury, as well as creating a more interesting incident scene for the fire department investigators.
it’s important if you are taking a dump on an on-fire person not to let any bits of wee-wee come out as this might put the fire out. also try to p–p from a safe height to avoid charring your back-bottom or your dangly bits/front-bottom. you might also want to try to squeeze it slowly so that the on-fire person can see it coming out and have that as their final vision of life.
andrew: “that tony is a complete -rs-hole: i wouldn’t p-ss on him if he was on fire”
gary: “f-ck, i wouldn’t sh-t on him if he was on fire”
andrew: “actually i would: i’d drop a big chocolate mr whippy right on his face. i’d also stuff his pockets with newspaper soaked in gasoline. b-st-rd.”
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