Rule of Buffalo

the rule of buffalo:
drinking game.

note: the individuals who have had the rule of buffalo invoked upon them will henceforth be known as “victims”.

the rule of buffalo is indeed an epic one. it can be explained quite simply: devastation. however, the more thorough version of the explanation is quite a bit more than one word. the rule is generally decided upon at the beginning of the party, as inflicting it upon an already intoxicated crowd can lead to denial of buffalo (for the uninformed) and staggering confusion and fear. once it has been put into effect, the rule of buffalo is to be noted as in effect for the rest of the night, and to be repealed once the party is generally thought to be “finished”, being when everyone goes to bed, or when everyone wakes up in a naked heap with no prior recollection. the rule is wholly binding, in that once initiated, the rule encomp-sses all members of the party, and makes no personal exceptions. the game starts with a simple drunken mistake: the victim drinks, picks up, or otherwise holds their intoxicating beverage with their dominant hand. this means the right hand for right handed people, and the left hand for left handed people. make sure it is understood which you are. if a partier or otherwise curious onlooker happens to notice this tragic mistake (often of god like proportions), they may invoke the rule. the rule is brought fourth by speaking “buffalo” in a widely audible tone, and in some way making it known who the rule has been invoked upon. once it is made known to the victim that they are under obligation of the rule, the victim must indeed consume. the beverage is to be immediately “polished off”, at a rate almost equal to that of a fire hose, without any objection or otherwise b-tchy comebacks to the rule. after the drink has been consumed, the victim can usually be expected to voice utterances such as “fuuuuck”, “i’m sooo drunk”, “i’m gonna puke”, “f-ck you -sshole”, or “i’ll get you back”. it can sometimes be a fun and unexpected idea to invoke the rule whilst a victim is utilizing a non-alcoholic beverage in their dominant hand- this can save money on property damage and trips to the hospital due to the fact that the already smashed partic-p-nts in the game will be able to pace.

now i know what your thinking- there is an almost stupidly obvious flaw to the game. as the night progresses, the ability to make a conscious effort to contain one’s beverage in their recessive appendage becomes severely limited. this is true- and because of this, the rule of buffalo can and will demolish even the heaviest of heavyweights. this fact will also lead most victims to the conclusion that the rule is a spiteful game, designed to create embarrasing stories of drunken shenanigans or seemingly endless ponds, rivers and lakes of vomit. invoking the rule of buffalo is generally taken like a punch in the teeth. because of the powerful nature of the game people have been known to “buffalo crash” parties. this is to commute to a party with intentions of introducing the rule, and causing the party to end significantly earlier than expected, owing to the sudden and devastating total inebriation of all in attendance.

limitations of the rule: the rule of buffalo does not apply to holders of hard liquor in its original vessel. flash consumption of deadly volumes of ethanol is indeed a terrible idea. the drink-in-hand must also be for strict drinking purposes, thus those who are mixing, bartending or holding a drink for a pal are not obligated to drink.
victim: “i’m just going to pour myself another tasty beverage, one of an alcoholic and intoxicating nature. i just hope i don’t bring the rule of buffalo upon myself!” -picks up drink in dominant hand-

curious onlooker: “buffalo!”

victim: -consumes at mind numbing rates- “uughh blehh i’m gonna puke… you -sshole… that’s -gag- the fifth time… i’ll totally get you back…” -falls unconscious-