The Family Circus
the stupid round cartoon that makes me want to take the newspaper and tear it up and light it on fire and feed the ashes to my dog. preaches good “christian” values such as mispr-nouncing words, leaving dotted lines behind when you walk, and having creepy dead grandpa ghosts. the characters consist of about 18 moronic kids that are pretty much clones of each other. the writer’s like three centuries old and he needs to die.
claire: what do you have against the family circus?
todd: okay, you sit down to read your paper, and you’re enjoying your entire two-page comic spread, right? and then there’s the family f-cking circus, bottom right hand corner, just waiting to suck. and it’s the last thing you read, so it spoils everything you read before it.
claire: you could just not read it.
todd: i hate it, yet i’m uncontrollably drawn to it.
a seriously douchey and unfunny family-oriented comic strip drawn by octogenarian cartoonist bil keane. the strip centers around a fat little f-ck named billy and his three equally piggish younger siblings as they share unremarkable childish insight and tromp around their all-white, middle cl-ss, g-d-fearing suburbia. it also features two parents that are even more bland than their kids and usually fade into the woodwork.
highlights of the strip include special extra-sh-tty-artwork “drawn by billy” days, and cameos by creepy ghostly apparitions of dead grandparents and pranksters. on weekdays, the strip is usually limited to one round panel of treacly sh-t, though this may be split into two halves for extra-profound occasions. weekend strips may feature multiple panels of warm gooey sh-t, or a full-panel expose on the children’s autistic romps through their backyard.
the family circus has been in continuous production for over 40 years, yet inexplicably remains the most widley syndicated comic strip in the world. likely supported by nostalgic grandparents who crave wholesome, meaningless fluff in their funnies. see peanuts.
actual sample dialouge from recent strips of the family circus (seriously):
billy: would it be against the rules to put two kinds of cereal in one bowl? (5/30/06)
dolly: the rainbow is mother nature’s way of saying she’s sorry for the bad storm. (5/17/06)
jeffy: know what daddy? i could pick up this rock if it wasn’t so heavy. (5/16/06)
p.j.: -sh-ts self-
reader: -vomits-
a r-t-rded cartoon made by a stupid person.
“the family circus is really stupid”
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