the tube

“the tube” was made up by brandon dicamillo, who frequently talks about it on radio bam. the tube is a long, clear plastic tube. it is used in a compet-tion where two people, preferably men, insert an end into each of their -n-ses. then they both defecate. the winner is determined by whose feces comes out the other side.
you lost at the tube
london’s underground metro system

consisting of 12 lines and a light railway system:

bakerloo
central
circle
district
east london
hammersmith & city
jubilee
metropolitan
northern
piccadilly
victoria
waterloo & city
and the docklands light railway

although a unique and complicated system it is the oldest underground rail network system in the world… and it shows. crowded trains, long delays and soaring temperatures are just some of the things daily commuters have to put up with… on a good day. my advice is to travel on a weekend and take plenty of water.

it’s a fun place to doss around but not that fun if you have to use it everyday, day in day out. skating in the underground is the best though.

useless facts:
– angel station has the longest underground escalator in the whole of the underground, taking 80 seconds and raising 90 vertical feet.
-less than 50% of the tube is actually underground
-central london’s stations are extremely crowded, the closests being just 0.16miles, making it quicker to walk.
mind the gap

please refrain from skateboards anywhere on the london underground

this train terminates at… edgware
london’s underground system. a very convenient way to get around central london. however it is incredibly expensive especially when compared with the paris metro, and liable to strikes from lazy b-st-rd london underground staff. it is the oldest underground train system in the world which also means its sh-te. over crowding is a serious problem and none of the carriages are air conditioned. the tube is fun if you are a tourist but if you use it everyday to get to and from work it is a nightmare. for fun try london bridge or bank on the northern line at around 5:30-6:00 on a week night. victoria at about 8:30am is also a good one. be prepared to sweat to inhuman levels and have your face wedged in a fat b-st-rd’s armpit. amusing once, not so much every single godd-mn day. one of the many joys of working in london.
warren: how shall we get there?
wilma: i know, lets take the tube.
kieren: are you kidding me? it stinks like b-tt sludge and is packed with undesirables. lets take the bus.
samson: are you mental? the buses are sh-t too, and the traffic is terrible.
warren: yeah, all the transport is cr-p and really expensive, lets just stay in and get f-cked up.
kieren: much better idea, and we’ll order in some hookers from soho.
a tv ummmmmmmmmm….yea
dude you’re blockin the tube
a new music network dedicated to showing music videos and only music videos. there are a few commercial breaks every once in a while for the network’s sponsors (about 1 commercial every hour). the best thing to happen to music/mankind ever since mtv became a channel for teen thugs and emo b-tches.
the tube kicks mtv’s -ss all day long. all. day. long.
(noun)

a state of female s-xual arousal wherein the v-g-n- expands and elongates. this is the feminine equivalent of having the horn.
“you shouldn’t look at me that way – you’ll give me the tube!”
another way of referring to video sharing site youtube.
when i was browsing the tubes last night i found a hillarous video of a fat woman being stabbed in the eye with a fork.

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