There are millions of people in the world with immense potential to be happy and successful, yet they achieve neither. Despite being intelligent, valid, and full of virtues, we have all known someone who sabotaged their own opportunities because of fear. These people’s cases teach us one important life lesson: if we don’t have enough self-confidence, we prevent ourselves from living the desired life, for which we have everything necessary.

Henry Ford once said: “Whether you believe you can do it or not, you are right in both cases.” The beliefs we hold about ourselves can either make or break us. Therefore, it is essential to become aware of self-sabotage and work on our self-esteem to stop being our most critical judge and become our greatest admirer.

How can we increase our self-confidence?

We are tired of hearing hackneyed phrases that invite us to love and accept ourselves, fight for our dreams, and believe in ourselves without ever being told how to do it. And all of them awaken logical questions: how can I love myself from one day to the next after years of hating my defects? How can I do it if I don’t feel that I am a valuable person deep inside? Should I seek a specialist or just write my essay a couple of times to reflect on it?

First of all, there is no magic wand that can make your self-confidence increase in a second. The only one who has the key to open that door is yourself, and to do so, you have to make several changes. However, with motivation and perseverance, you can increase your self-confidence, and you will see how your life changes radically. Here are some guidelines on how to achieve this.

1 – Change your internal dialogue.

Through our thoughts, we send messages to ourselves. We recriminate or congratulate ourselves, judge ourselves, and comment on our actions. This internal dialogue is often automatic, and we don’t realize how many harmful communications we send ourselves throughout the day.

To increase your self-confidence, you need to change the formulations you use to talk to (and also about) yourself. Be forgiving, understanding, and loving to yourself. Start talking to yourself about what you do well and approach your mistakes as opportunities for growth. If you constantly beat yourself up and mentally punish yourself, you can’t believe in yourself.

Think of a child whose parents continually point out their failures and assign negative labels. The child will grow up feeling insecure and invalid. On the contrary, if they reinforce their successes and support and guide them in their failures, the child will feel secure and loved. The same is true for our thoughts.

In addition, you can create a list of affirmations and repeat them in front of the mirror every day — state what you want to achieve in the first person and the present tense. For example, I am a confident person, confident in my abilities, and living without fear. The brain believes what we tell it. Repeating these statements every day will help strengthen your new way of thinking about yourself.

2 – Act as if you are already a confident person

One of the most effective tools for change is to start acting as if what we want is already a reality. Start behaving like a person with high self-esteem and confidence would:

• Walk upright and with your eyes straight ahead when you walk down the street.
• Accept challenges and carry them out as if you are fully confident in your abilities. If you remain stuck in insecurity, you will never give yourself a chance to fulfill your potential. Instead, every time you try, you will discover that you are much more capable than you think, and your self-confidence will grow.
• Start setting healthy boundaries even if you feel afraid. You may fear that others will reject you if you refuse their requests or express your opinion. However, do it and repeat to yourself that it doesn’t matter if the other person gets angry. It is your right to take care of yourself.

3 – Reinterpret your fears as opportunities

Believe it or not, fear and excitement are caused by the same substance: adrenaline, and although psychologically, the two emotions are experienced differently, they are similar on a biological level.

This means that it is theoretically possible to re-evaluate our anxiety responses and transform them into excitement psychologically. This was found in a study published in the Journal Experimental Psychology, where Dr. Alison Brooks separated a group of students into three subgroups and subjected each member to an activity that usually generates anxiety (a one-on-one presentation while being evaluated by a jury).

However, each participant was given a different instruction before the activity. In this case, members of the first group were not told anything, while the second and third groups were asked to repeat aloud “I am calm” and “I am excited,” respectively.

According to the results of this experiment, the third group, who tried to interpret their nerves as excitement, performed much better on the given task.

In this sense, it can be argued that people can re-evaluate anxiety as enthusiasm, using minimal strategies such as internal dialogue (e.g., saying “I’m excited” out loud) or simple messages.

In other words, adopting an opportunity perspective rather than a threat mentality can make a difference in subsequent performance.

Self-confidence is built, not something you are born with

Finally, be consistent and persistent with these actions. All change takes time, and you will need a period of adaptation until these actions come naturally to you. Remember that the path is made by walking, and confidence is built by practicing it. Speak to yourself positively and constructively, give yourself the necessary opportunities to develop your potential, and always put yourself at the top of your list of priorities.