almond joy

the act of deceiving a receptive s-xual partner into thinking you’re unwrapping and putting on a condom, while in reality you’re simply unwrapping and consuming a candy bar. success depends in large part on your partner’s non-visualization of your hands and p-n-s, either by means of a darkened room or s-xual positioning (e.g. doggy style), as well as lack of familiarity with the feel of a bare vs. sheathed p-n-s. may be additionally satisfying if you’re able to consume the candy bar while actively having bareback intercourse.
“sarah was drunk and totally dtf last night, but i didn’t have any jim hats on hand, so i just turned off the lights and pulled an almond joy.”

“my blind girlfriend was a virgin before we dated, so i felt pretty comfortable giving her an almond joy without risking an std.”

that dude doesn’t like to bareback, but he’s so high on ecstasy he doesn’t even know that the guy behind him just slipped it in almond joy style.
11 more definitions
the male version of a camel toe where you can see the outline of the dudes junk from pants that are too tight.
dude, check out tim’s almond joy. no wonder he’s always depressed.
a man’s “package” in his pants. like a ladies “camel toe”
his pants are so tight you can see his almond joy!
when you c-m in a black girl then stick your b-lls inside of her.
“man i love to almond-joy monica,it feels weird on my b-lls though.”
when a person changes the game on you. when a person “flips the script”.
after a constant and profuse malevolent activity, the person changes, for no apparent reason.
“say white boy, ima tel ya bout da game, and why you cant eva neva eva trust a crackhead”
“all right my friend” please explain”
“almond joy, dats all ya need to know”
“almond joy??” -bewildered, glazed over look-
“dat’s right, gotdam cracka, almond joy!” “cuz you neva know what a muf-ka basehead guna do” “sumtimz dey feel lika nut, sumtims dey dont, ya heard?!”
a situation in which a man’s t-st-cl-s might shift to a position that is very uncomfortable and requires adjusting.
rick totally forgot how deep my car seats were the other day and gave himself an almond joy.
when a man has diarrhea and it covers his t-st-c-ls. he can let it dry on his t-st-c-ls and then let someone lick it off.
female version of this is a “mounds”
jeff had the sh-ts all day, so when i got home he gave me an almond joy.