America’s Most Wanted Douche Bag
this is a rarer form of the more common douche bag. this subhuman species spends most of his time in the guise of a slacker. however, when provoked by moderate levels of conflict or confrontation he immediately enters a state of heightened douchiness. unlike the more common douche bag, he completely overreacts in response to a situation and is blindly driven by his own social impotence. his unusually extreme reaction will often manifest as either violence or behavior similar to that of an individual with a severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia.
as a general warning:
in recent studies it has been shown than the onset of this condition tends to begin in males in their mid thirties. if you suspect that a male in your life has already begun this transformation, it is recommended that you distance yourself from him at once. keep in mind that this level of douchiness increases tenfold every year that it remains untreated.
to america’s most wanted douche bag:
you know who you are. it is never too late to ask for help. but do not ask the people you have wronged. they have put up with you long enough.
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