assmulch

usually used instead of calling someone r-t-rded, gay, or a d-ckwipe. you call someone this when they’re acting immature and like a little peice of -ss waste. not the best comeback, but when you call someone this, they’ll be blown away and look up -ssmulch on urban dictionary because they’ll be frazzled until they find out why they’ve been called something so haneous.
“stop trying to be cool by telling those burnout kids that your mom deals drugs, -ssmulch.”
-ss mulch is a sticky brown substance excreted from the -n-s. once excreted it is placed outside in direct sunlight to cake in the heat. the resulting odor can be smelled from a distance of over ten metres and anyone within that radius when the -ss mulch is ‘fully caked’ will suffer from death. the texture after cooking willm be crispy and crusty like batter on a fish but sh-t. it can be consumed, but if you want to feel like someone shoved gravel down you throat while dumping in you mouth, be my guest, however the taste has been know to resemble compost mixed with raw sewage and b-ssil.

there is an alternate way of making -ss mulch, it can be put in a berlap sack (known as a sh-ttysack) and left to ‘mature’ at the bottem of your local compost heap. the characteristics are relatively similar to the ‘caked -ss mulch’, only it has a distinct after taste of someone pouring liquified -ss cookies down the throat.
alex: om my god, what the f-cking h-ll is that smell?!?!?!? it made my nose bleed its that bad!!!!!

tom:it could be only one thing, my -ss mulch!!!!! i wondered where it had got to