Awkward Beached Whale

n. the ultimate in the range of awkward items or animals. an individual intending to correctly execute an awkward beached whale should lie face down on the ground and thrash their legs whilst pressed together as an impersonation of a whale’s flipper. then while doing this, the individual should rock from side to side whilst helplessly hitting the ground directly to their side with limp arms. the awkward beached whale is most successfully executed by lying on a floor, but it can also be executed on a table or chair.

awkward beached whale should be used to best affect at a time of severe awkwardness which should be enough to break the ice of any situation.

-warning- awkward beached whale should not be attampted at any inappropriate awkward times such as in a church or in a prom dress or tuxedo. it will considerably make the situation more awkward and cause people to take offence !!!
1) perfect time to do awkward beached whale.
(in a room where the atmosphere is unbearably awkward)

person 1: “wow this is so awkward”
(does an awkward beached whale as directed above)
person 2: wow who is that crazy man ?
person 3: “it’s an awkward beached whale !”
person 2: “haha that’s hilarious”

multiple people laugh and awkwardness stops.

2) wrong time for an awkward beached whale.
(at a formal occ-ssion where the atmosphere is unbearably awkward)

person 1: “wow this is so awkward”
(does an awkward beached whale as directed above)
person 2: (silence)
person 3: (silence)
person 2: (silence)

awkwardness increases and people ignore the individual who feels even more awkward for increasing the awkwardness and for messing up his/her formal clothes.
n. in the same category as the awkward turtle, awkward flag, and awkward moose, the awkward beached whale is the act of placing one’s palms face-down on-top-of each other, such that the thumbs stick out to either side. the individual then proceeds to alternately wiggle the thumbs. for maximum awkwardness, proceed to make sounds similar to that of the blue whale.

v. to do as described above.
person 1: “wow, i feel awkward.”

multiple people: “hmm, not us. i guess it’s just you.”

person 1: -does awkward beached whale hand motions-

“whooo…oahhhh….wahooah”

-feels exceedingly less awkward-

multiple people: “wow, we feel awkward now.”