Beamish

1. wearer of mickey mouse polo shirts, undersized dress shirts, extremely
small dress shirts, and shirts so inordinately tight one can still manage to
see the imprint of the jovial talking mouse on his chest days later.

2. a name so infamous, that when faced with the statement “i’m in the gh band.”
the only response ever heard uttered has been “d-mn that sucks.” band director of
green hope high school in cary, nc, there are 4 different degrees of application of the number 40/3 to this name. it is the ratio of square centimeters of
headsp-ce to hairs on his head, as well as the ratio of younger females to
older females hes h-t on throughout the past few years of his
life. thirdly, 40/3 also
represents the the ratio of discouraging to encouraging words spoken to my friends and i throughout our high school venture (and thats being generous). finally, and oddly enough, take away the / and it is actually his last recorded weight in lbs. go figure.

3. see “arrogant”
4. see “c-cky”
5. see “completely absorbed in oneself”
6. see “ego the size of asia”
7. see “adolf hitler”, “humpty dumpty”,”napolean bonaparte”, and “that queer purple teletubbie that i swear carried around a friggin purse.” combine them all together into a tyrannical, h-m-s-xual, bald, rotund man and it yeilds the basic premise of the kind of man we deal with on a day to day basis. (many of you are wondering how napolean bonaparte plays into this description. take this as you will… an anatomical extremity of napolean’s is on display within the smithsonian museum. it is measured at 1.4″ give or take.)
8. see “g-d carelessly let the arch angel of special-ed take control of the human making process while he took a vacation to barbados when this man was concieved.”
did you know that music, what beamish “teaches,” is also what satan’s angelic talent was before he was thrown out of heaven? coincidence? i think not.