Bedminster

a bubble town in central new jersey. a tiny place of huge expanses and horse farms, where the rich come to experience the country on their 300 acre estates. in the 1970s a developer sued the town for the right to build the largest housing development in new jersey here. when the town denied the building rights, he sued on the basis that the town did not have enough low-income housing. so he built the hills, a colony of the same exact beige house over and over again, and enabled people who were not in the top 1% of the earning cl-ss to have a bedminster address.
nearly 30 years later, the hills is where the trash lives. west bedminster is still enormous estates owned by blue bloods, who come out for weekends from their park avenue apartments and complain when their bentleys break an axle from the cr-ppy dirt roads. the estates are also a place for their children to throw parties when they come home from english boarding schools.
“downtown” bedminster is nonexistent, with a few shops. there is a strip mall by the hills that offers a cvs, grrocery store, ice cream, and several cr-ppy small stores that are constantly going out of business.
the public school is k-8 and has 80 kids per grade, so you stay isolated in the bubble until you hit your teens.
west bedminster: you’re from bedminster? you must be incredibly rich and old money. why aren’t you at an english boarding school right now?
hills resident: no, i live in the hills.
wb: oh, so you’re the trash that my taxes send to public school. your parents work for my parent’s fortune 500 company. . . as janitors.
hometown of the forbes (magazine), mercks (drug company), johnsons (johnson & johnson), and lorillards (3rd biggest tobacco company in the us), to name a few. it’s one of the richest towns in the country, and yes, it’s in jersey, but not the jersey you know. think greenwich, ct on steroids.
if you live in bedminster, you know what this town is about. it’s “bedminster” not “bed-minister”, for all you ignorant f-ckheads who’ve never heard of this town. we live on estates, not in houses. we ride our horses with the ess-x fox hounds to go foxhunting and go to parties afterwards with some of the richest and oldest families in the country. we hold the best parties because our parents are always away, and with 500 acres of property, no one can hear even the loudest music. we attend the best schools in the country, mostly because we’re legacies or our parents donated a wing to the school. we complain about the sh-tty dirt roads because we can’t speed the new roadster daddy got on them without getting a flat. but it’s ok because the ceo of ford lives down the street and can get us the new land rover that isn’t even out yet.
we know that the further down lamington road you live, the bigger your house is.
most of all, we know that the hills and any house less than 8000 square feet is not “bedminster”- us 206 splits us from that trash. anyone who tries to walk over will be hit with a rogue 18 wheeler as they cross, not to mention grossly inflated housing prices and general sn-bbery.
this is not “jersey”. this is bedminster.

james p. dillon iv: timmy, i’d like to introduce you to mr. forbes
timmy: haha, like that crazy rich magazine guy who does the forbes 500?
james p. dillon iv: actually, yes.
(awkward silence)
scabby area of bristol located near to the up and coming southville. often called bemmy by it’s inhabitants (meadersbemmyschavsandtownies) the beautiful centeral feature of bedminster is the strange east street, which includes cheap shops and ends with a large asda supermarket. many compare east street to a pyschiatric wing in a hospital because of the hundereds of strange people found there.
i’s goins’ down bemmy, you comin’?