Beerzheimers

beerzheimer’s disease is a brain disorder named for netherlands beer maker freddy heineken, who first described it in 1929 after loosing his -ss in the stock market crash and drinking 14 beers. scientists have learned a great deal about beerzheimer’s disease in the century since freddy first drew attention to it. today we know that beerzheimer’s is the brains built-in mechanism for protecting itself from remembering sh-t like:

> grabbing the bartenders -ss …. and a nice -ss it was
> crashing a golf cart into a giant rock
> taking home a girl named mercedes
> hitting a strippers b–bs and pretending they are speedbags
> losing all you money playing card games you don’t understand
speedbag: it sure was a boring and uneventful night at the strip bar.

wayne: dude, uneventful? you took a stripper into the back room for three dances and the b-tch was a he/she! man, you must have some serious beerzheimers to have forgotten that you made out with chick that used to have a d-ck.
the reason you don’t remember an event or conversation from an evening of beer drinking.

beerzheimer’s phenomenon occurs when alcohol consumption inhibits the formation of long term memory. beerzheimer’s episodes can encomp-ss the entirety of long time periods during which alcohol is being consumed, or can be fragmentary where only certain conversations or events are omitted from long term memory. beerzheimer’s episodes are often more pr-nounced during “sessions” of ipa or barley wine style ale consumption. frequency of beerzheimer’s episodes is significantly increased when beer is consumed on an empty stomach.
“hey, why didn’t you call me back last night?”
“what are you talking about?”
“yeah, i talked to you last night you said you had to go, but were going to call me right back.”
“sorry man, i had a few pints of ipa last night…never had any food. got ugly. beerzheimer’s.”
“ah. you really need to build a base with some greasy food before you hit that stuff.”