Bloomington

a city in indiana, about sixty miles south of indy, that is home to the last remaining population of liberals in the entire state, and also home to indiana university. a fairly nice, clean town that seems contradictory to gary and indianapolils.

unfortunatly, while a great place for liberals, bloomington does have it’s flaws. gasoline here is an average of ten cents higher than the entire midwestern united states. i once drove from bloomington to denver and didn’t see gas any more expensive than in bloomington.

also, due to the large population of collage students, traffic is a nightmare during the school year, and it’s always better to drive around the south side of town than to cut through campus. in the summer, the students leave, traffic subsides, and the residents timidly emerge from the shelter of their houses and go back to their lives.

unfortunatly, without collage students to worry about, the police department can focus all of their energy on going after residents, so don’t expect to get away with anything while the students are gone.

overall, i reccomend it if you already live in indiana and want to get the f-ck out of some sh-thole like gary, but don’t move here from any other state.
resident 1: dude, we should totally buy some health food and go smoke weed in the back of our vw bus.

resident 2: dude, totally.

resident 1: totally, bloomington is so groovy.
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nestled in “limestone country”, deep in the heart of south central indiana, you’ll find bloomington. home of indiana university, bloomington also earned the “tree city usa” designation, in 1979. we don’t like to brag, but, bloomington was the location of the last television -ssembly plant in the us, before rca’s french masters decided to move operations “south of the border”. keeping in tune with nature, bloomington has adopted an “organic growth strategy,” for city planning. haphazard street nomenclature and numbering are the norm. just try to get from west 3rd st to east 3rd st, it can’t be done. if you got some cash, the east side is the place for you. your kids will go to the best schools and you’ll have great access to the mall. it’s a transplanted suburbanite’s wet dream. if you’re in a slightly less money-fied situation, may i suggest either the north or south side. if you’re willing to roll the dice, with respect to your kid’s education, the west side offers you the best real estate value in bloomington. the-smell-of-freshly-burnt-rubber-from-tires-of-the-truck-driven-by-the-redneck-who’s-currently-flipping-you-off, is a strong indicator that you’ve made it to the west side. the campus area is predominated by lazy money douchebags who are fixin’ to get their comeuppance if they show me the slightest amount of disrespect. drinking is like a religion with these people.
bloomington superlatives:
-the indiana hoosiers have won 7 soccer and 5 basketball national championships.
-john “cougar” mellencamp is bloomington’s most celebrated resident. word around town is that he’s a total d-ckhead to everyone with whom he comes in contact.
-the center of us population is a distinction which has not fallen within the incorporated area of any city since it was located in bloomington, in 1910.
the coolest campustown in indiana. also the city of random sirens and loud trains at midnight.
brad: dude, it’s 3 am. did you hear that train?
rodrigo: relax, dude, we’re in bloomington.
a sh-t hole in south texas with one stop light, a dairy queen and a speedy stop. everyone knows your business and 99.8% of the people have kids by age of 16….if not then by the time they graduate. if your not doing drugs or getting knocked up you are in everyone elses business…you’re idea of fun is going to the football games on friday night to hang out and then getting someones aunt to buy you wine coolers to take back and drink down black bayou 1 or 2… 50% of the high school is employed at dairy queen or speedy stop…the other half sit at home begging someone to drive them there….. 75% of the school cannot speak english and the other 25% are avid members of the ffa. if you graduated prior to 2008 and still in bloomington you probably:
-have one, two or more kids
-live at your parents
-think cactus canyon is the sh-t
-date someone still in high school
-just realized that texas country is cool
-think its so cool to hang out at the fire cracker stand
-get excited when you get promoted at speedy stop
-throw a baby shower and are able to have all your friends involved cause they’re all knocked up!
where are you from?

bloomington.

where?

its a sh-t hole 10 miles south of victoria

where do you go to school?

bloomington.

–laughter–
a city in minnesota. more significant than the indiana city of the same name, because it has the mall of america.
larry: hey, greg. where you going man?
greg: bloomington.
larry: not the one in indiana i hope!
greg: nope, minnesota. they have the mall of america!
a piece of sh-t town in the middle of effing nowhere with absolutely nothing to do. ever.
bloomington has:

no hookah bars. one radio station. wtf. no 18 and up clubs.