bludd man

a c-cky yob, often characterised by a smoker’s cough (a result of smoking 20 cigarettes a day), ‘hard man’ att-tude, a fashion nightmare (e.g. hood worn over a cap), a distinctive stench and a strange walking motion that involves bobbing from side to side.

bludd mans are believed to be the direct ancestors of the dung-beetle, which is commonly seen as the sc-m of the animal kingdom.

bludd mans have an average life expectancy of 19 years (when their lungs explode from cigarette abuse). however this is significantly reduced should they violently confront certain freestyle martial artists.

bludd mans display astounding behavioural patterns when in packs, sucking the same cigarette and -ssuming circular and linear formations when bopping down streets and sidewalks.

most bludd man groups have a leader who has an appet-te for vandalism, hooliganism, har-ssment of either the very young or very old and general yob-like behaviour.

however, when seperated from the pack, the bludd man usually appears to become aware of how pathetic the bludd man mentality is and so begins to act ‘normal’. however once united with the rest of the pack, he returns to the bludd man state of being. one theory that explains this activity is that all bludd mans are h-m-s-xual and therefore the bludd man behavioural patterns are an attempt to attract/impress other bludd mans; s-x cells could be exchanged on the one cigarette that is sucked by the rest of the bludd man pack.

‘bludd man’ originates from the common yob phrase “yo bludd! you got 50p?”
“they kicked the bludd mans’ -sses.”

“the bludd man asked if i had fifty pence.”