Bratified
a condition that happens to small children once famly and guests begin to arrive for the christmas holidays. affected children seem to suddenly change from doe-eyed angels to fanged fire-breathing monsters running around screaming and terrorizing adults several times their size. adults often take the wrong measures to cure this affliction, offering consolation, or saying “please quiet down darling” etc. the easiest way to quickly cure the child is to lower the child’s pants, exposing the bare flesh of the b-ttocks, then using a large wooden spoon, administer several sharp blows to the exposed area. a sharp “crack” followed by a scream and a promise of “i’ll be good, i’ll be good” indicates the child is cured. be warned, sometimes a second or third application may be required to jog the childs memory of his/her promise to be “good”
soon after grandma arrived, little billy began running around the house and throwing lego at the guests. as billy’s behaviour worsened, it bacame obvious that billy had become severely bratified. grandpa reacted by scooping billy up as he came running around a corner. he quickly readjusted billy’s att-tude with a stinging slap to the rump.
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