Brunswick Academy

a small “private” school which provides k-12 education to the less-than-stellar surrounding southern virginia population. ba was founded in an effort to keep the local redneck children from having to attend school with the “colored folk” in the area who they mistakenly presume themselves to be better than. the school uniform consists of camouflage for the boys and express jeans for the girls. the girls have that unmistakable inbred look to them and the boys -ssert their manhood through the killing of deer on the weekends as well as various school days which they take off. with tuition totaling a mere couple thousand dollars, the only thing “private” about this school is the fact that its students are kept secluded from the reality of how they stack up against the rest of the world. perhaps their parents should, instead, put that pocket change that they call “tuition” towards a math tutor who would tell them that their chances of becoming homecoming queen or captain of the football team are basically 1/15 as opposed to 1/200 at other private schools where they can actually find enough people to comprise a real student body. in other words, their beloved t-tle as king or queen of ba is, in reality, not exceptional in the least but rather laughable to the rest of virginia. however, if the dreams you have for your child consist of a guaranteed cheerleading captain position, cl-sses held in permanent trailers (just like home!), prom at the local hunt club and getting pregnant at 17 by the kid the next tobacco farm over, then by all means, reach into that center console of your pickup truck and scrounge up enough pennies to go pay your first tuition payment…no application necessary (provided you p-ss the skin color screening)…they take everyone who will come!
brunswick academy – educating tomorrow’s racecar drivers!