Buckingham Palace

when someone wants or expects something from your household that is considered a luxury and you ridicule them for making such a request.
janice: oh martha, don’t you have sheets that are of a higher thread count? these will irritate my skin.

martha: ha ha ha! very funny janice where do you think you are? f-cking buckingham palace?
welcome to buckingham palace, the biggest playground existing, where even queen elizabeth and tony blair come to play! here, your kids and grandparents can enjoy a dive in the bath where the b-lls connect and the world famous enormous pole of exitement(one of tony’s favourites)! let’s have a quick tour, shall we?

parking lot

our parking lot is the place if you like waiting! we have one-hundred lazy guards who are willing to tell you bad directions! our guards also provide badly drawn maps, keys that don’t fit and dirtroad detours!

the entrance

when you finally reach the entrance, the fun begins! you can look at two buckingham guards… totally standing still! isn’t that amazing, kids!? you can kick them and they will remain still! you can test your new collection of beyblades and they will still stand still! you can even shoot them in the crotch with a 9mm gun, and surprisingly enough they will remain still!!! amazing!

the staircases

now here comes a fun part. when you’re inside, there are loads of stairs, covered in red carpet! you can run up them, run down, you can climb then, you can jump off them or break your ankle on them! once you’re finished, you can go to the…

first aid room

the first aid room is only 5 miles away from the parking lot, so you can take your time and let that ankle heal there! tony blair will look after you! be sure to have your b-ttplug with you, as tony knows a few tricks!

the queen’s room

legends and myths are told that there’s a secret room inside the castle where queen elizabeth used to do her dirty laundry. try to find it, lead us to it and get a free- icecream cone!

(-)only available when you have collected all of our tax money for us. it’s a hard job, you know…

history lessons!

in here, you can play several games, like “kampf” or “gulf war”! most of them can be unlocked by succesfully surviving the other games without scratches and maimed body parts! some of the history teachers include adolf hitler, bill clinton and george w. bush (only for the war in iraq. he lacks knowledge of all other subject, although we doubt he knows anything about iraq, too…)

buckingham palace is a fun place to go for a typical father-and-son-day! the whole family can enjoy the pleasures of tony blair and the old demented wh-r- who calls herself a queen! have fun, and don’t forget the b-ttplug!