callen mouritsen

is a cryptid which supposedly is a simian-like creature. or in layman terms…. a terrifying animal made up from rumors that resembles that of an ape like species. the callen was first spotted near a small town of fergus falls minnesota back in the late 90’s. since then, there have been over 327 eye witness accounts of seeing the beast between fergus falls minnesota and grand forks north dakota. several farmers have claimed to have been able to flush the hairy b-st-rd out by leaving barrels of untouched jagermesiter in the open. several women have also come forward stating that they’ve been dry humped by the creature near pi kappa alpha fraternity of the university of north dakota before it scurried back into the woods. to this day, the only piece of substantial evidence was found in a grand forks home where the occupants claimed the savage might have shaved an area near his scr-t-m, using one of the residence’s razor, in the early hours of the morning without even attempting to cover up the mess in the bath tub.
dylan: did you hear that?
louis: hear what?
dylan: over there in that bush!
louis: oh my god!!

dylan: look! that’s the callen mouritsen running down university ave!
louis: that’s cool! i’m gonna go break some woman’s heart now…