cape cod

small peninsula off m-ssachusetts that sucks money out of tourists and retired millionaires to survive, since the traditional fishing industry is slowly dying – native cod all but wiped out. beautiful beaches protected by the government since the 1950’s, but that meant the locals had to give up their beach camps. basically we hate tourists but without them we’d be totally impoverished. there is nothing for kids to do so most of them destroy their brains with drugs & alcohol. everyone says they’re going to leave but never manage it and stay working as a landscaper/fisherman/carpenter/waitress/cashier etc. the winters are horrible and in the summer tourists are everywhere. real estate is too expensive for anyone to have a nice house. all the land not protected by federal government is being gobbled up by rich people from far away who want to live “out in the boonies”. cape cod has conservative strongholds like chatham in the south (“a quaint drinking town with a fishing problem”) and liberal strongholds like provincetown, mecca for artists and h-m-s-xuals, in the north. primarily white, but recently there’s been an influx of brazilians. the predominant subculture is punk, since we’re all so angry at our lives but can’t do anything about it. people who leave tend to stay gone. local slang includes “wicked” meaning extremely, “p-sser” meaning awesome, and “wash-ash-r-” for someone whose family hasn’t lived on cape cod for more than, say, 50 years or so…
tourist: cape cod is so beautiful and peaceful!
local: -gags-

“cape cod specialties: clam chowdah, lobstah rolls and fried clams!”

whitecrest beach, wellfleet (winter)

yet again, beautiful..

still beautiful, even in the winter

what cape cod is really about
cape cod has b-mper to b-mper traffic in the summer, and empty roads in the winter. tourists show up for the good weather and run and hide before the snow comes.
cape cod was covered in snow and no one was there to care.
best f-cking place on earth
there is much to be said about this place, were there is little to do (other then drugs) in the ten-month spand between september and june; although during the summer months this place becomes a 1960’s run down summer dream. but, unlike it’s most famous resident, cape cod didn’t have the pleasure of dieing in the 1960’s, cause with kennedy’s death so died the cape cod dream. so, now today cape cod is filled with the withering dreamers of that generation, all now the conservative voting majority.
old people in slow moving cars, with gw04, and drunken kids stumbling in the streets.
a place that is often mentioned as beautiful and peaceful to live but really has a bunch of rich -ssholes all driving the same suv living in big houses that all look the same. other than that there’s retired old people everywhere, small shops that charge $100 for a t shirt, private beaches and tons of traffic & tourists in the summer.
“we’re going to the cape cod again this summer!”
“oh, great, that will be a ton of fun..”
one of the best places to live on earth, but the old rich summer people that live here for 2 months (july & august) ruin the beach nights for the locals by calling the police on bonfires and such. the local youths that tough out the long hard winters (while the rich old farts go to their homes in florida) love to drink and have fun in the summer, and will never stop for any tourists!
johnny local: “hey dude pretty awsome night on cape cod huh?”
sammy livehere: “ya man wicked, you can see bonfires all the way down to p-town. i just hope old man rivers dosnt call the cops on us again”
johnny local: i know that guy’s a d-ck, these are our beaches too!
sammy livehere: i know man! lets pound some beers and enjoy the night on this awsome awsome place to live
considered by many to be the jewel of m-ssachusetts when in reality it contains rich, pompous -ssholes, private beaches, and b-mper to b-mper traffic. m-ssachusetts residents who choose to avoid this, often flock to nh where they complain about the lack of shopping malls and things to do.
m-sshole 1:going to the cape this weekend? (cape cod)

m-sshole 2: nah, tha taffic is gonna be wicked bad; total p-ssah. we are heading up to nh to drive wrecklessly and annoy the natives.

m-sshole 1:can i come with?

←