Captain Kickass
quite probably the most kick-ss super hero ever. in his right hand, he has a rocket launcher that shoots exploding chainsaws, and his left he uses for everything except using the chainsaw rocket launcher gun thing. he is a bald black man with a slight beard, and doesn’t bother wearing a costume. it is said that he once walked into a hospital and in just 9 months the hospital overflowed with the nurses mixed babies. he eats lesser superheros for breakfast, like superman and wolverine, and sh-ts out people like aquaman. his pet is a three headed fire breathing dog named cerberus. captain kick-ss single-handedly took on raptor jesus and robot hitler at the same time. he shaves with a steak knife.
fact’s about captain kick-ss
1. he’s kick-ss
2. he’s not actually a captain, he is mo..w3ephp;hui9
3. he just killed the man who was previously writing this article.
4. he went to prison once, and a man named bubba tried to have his way with him. they still haven’t gotten the stains off of the floor.
5. he had gone to jail for manslaughter. it was actually just the first time he had s-x.
6. those pictures of bigfoot are actually of captain kick-ss. he just forgot to shave.
7. he once decapitated a man with a rusty spork for pr-nouncing tupac as “two-pack”.
8. he stabbed a tyrannosaurus rex with his p-n-s once, and one month later, a man emerged from the carc-ss. his name is chuck norris.
1st person: hey captain kick-ss just walked by.
2nd person: that explains the fact that every woman within a mile just had their water break.
1st person: but my wife’s here, and she’s not pregnant.
2nd person: she is now.
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