celeron

quite possibly the worst processors intel has ever manufactured. it was designed for the sole purpose of creating a processor that didn’t cost much. well whooptideef-ck, intel! your piece of sh-t celeron is so unbelievably slow, any machine that has one in it is instantly branded a piece of garbage, because the very real reality is that celerons can’t power any machine, no matter how powerful it is.
anyone with a celeron in their computer clearly has no idea what they are doing.

celeron cpuz data
the perfect, literal example of a piece of sh-t. this is the absolute worst computer component ever conceived by the hands of man. sure, it looks good with 2.4-2.7 gigaherz of speed, but its insanely small l1 and l2 cache, not to mention the incredibly slow fsb, celerons are useless. there is lag time for even the most little of tasks. even though celerons are made for people who are not computer-savvy and who just like to email and surf the web and do microsoft word and stuff, they aren’t even good at doing that! f-ck intel for making it.
leroy: “hey, i want a cheap computer. i’m thinking of getting a celeron processor.”

hugh: “i’ve had one for 2 1/2 years so far. i’ve been saving up for a while to get a real computer. trust me, opening firefox gives me 100% cpu usage and incredible lag time. “more than one application running at a time with ease”? hahahahahahhahahah. yeah, switching between windows media player 11 and firefox gives me (again) 100% cpu usage and lag. want to play games? well, f-ck. that’s too bad for you. it can’t handle starcraft (8 years old), wow, or even call of duty. “counter-strike source”? oh, my g-d. you can play css…. if you like 9 frames per second on every f-cking level.”

leroy: “d-mn… i’d be better off with a pentium 2”

hugh: “from now on, don’t ever mention intel products to me…. ever. just go with amd.”
a processor manufactured by intel that is actually made from celery, hence the name.
guy1: why is you celeron processor so slow?
guy2: it’s made out of celery, give it a break
the white trash processor.
y’all look at me new celeron!. et only cost me 4 bushels of hay and my daughter!
a synonym for sh-t. the guy who owns intel was most likely on crack when he created it. celeron = sh-t
“hey jack, you’re a celeron!”
an lame processor made by intel. it was supposed to be intel’s answer to amd and cyrix in the low-end and midrange section of the pc market.

the celeron was designed to be as cheap as possible. not only in terms of production, but also in terms of design. so, instead of creating an all-new design that would actually compete, intel just chopped parts of their pentium ii processor, until the desired level of cheapness had been achieved. the first celeron to be rolled out was the 300a, and it quickly gained reputation for it’s lackster performance, increadible lag, and general lameness.

during the height of their (un)popularity in the early 2000s, celerons became the laughing stock of every tech-savvy person. like aol, they quickly became a product for people who didn’t know any better. today, celeron’s continue the tradition of being nothing more than chopped versions of intel’s processors, but fortunately people have wisen up and look at the benchmarks before they buy, so naturally, their population has drammatically decreased in favor of amd, again.

nevertheless, celerons can still be found in office desks, as they are notorious for being able to tolerate incredible amounts of dust, nicotine and filth without breaking down, while being adequate in word-processing tasks and the like.
me: this is my old pc, with a celeron 667 in it. my father bought it, thinking he was getting an equivalent to the intel pentium iii 500mhz processor. this is what happens when you leave a non tech-savvy person with a computer store salesmam.
friend: i see it also has a tv card so you can do your video captures
me: is coding video in 174×144 resolution at 15fps with indeo video codec considered “capture”? now let’s play need for speed iii at medium graphics detail!
a low end intel processor. the celeron is specifically designed for cost efficiency and extreme reliability.
my webserver has a celeron iv and has been up for over 150 days.

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