celiac’s disease
an autoimmune disorder that affects upwards of 17 people, with 98% cases occurring in or near affluent, well-to-do, upper-cl-ss suburban areas. causes sufferers to experience symptoms such as:
•whining,
•annoying the people around you who work for a living,
•cramping,
•rash,
•saying “i can’t have gluten” until people want to punch you for it
•hallucinations of having an actual disease
•shopping at trader joe’s, unnecessarily
•shifting political views towards the left
celiac’s has never been doc-mented in white-collar or homeless populations, and is mainly self-diagnosed, therefore, very little is known about it.
tommy: “i bought some donuts!”
kate: “do they have gluten? abby can’t have them if they have gluten, she has celiac’s disease.”
tommy: “the f-ck she does.”
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